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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26557243">Friends Can Break Your Heart Too</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodyoficeandfire/pseuds/melodyoficeandfire'>melodyoficeandfire</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Doctor Luhan, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Florist Kim Jongdae, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Hanahaki Disease, Heartbreak, Love Triangle, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mentions of SuLay, Minor xiuyeol, Pining, Professor Kim Minseok, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Yearning, so much inner monologue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:07:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26557243</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodyoficeandfire/pseuds/melodyoficeandfire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Minseok has always loved Jongdae. </p><p>Silently, one petal at a time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Shall we Chen? Fictional Fest First Round</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Past - No one knew that my days were filled with you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Prompt: SWC451</p><p><b>This fic will have a love triangle and will NOT end in poly.</b> If that isn't your cup of tea, I won't stop you from closing the tab! Everyone has a choice to read what they like after all. </p><p>If you don't mind a bit of a spoiler, you can check the endgame couple at the last chapter's endnotes, you can decide if you want to proceed. </p><p>To my prompter, I may have gone a bit off the rails, but I hope you will like it. You requested for angst, and thus it is done! </p><p>Special thanks to all the people who cheered me up while writing this fic. Your unending patience saved me in more ways than you could ever imagine. Thank you, I love you. You know who you are. </p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>If you ever ask Minseok when he started to have feelings for Jongdae, he probably won't be able to give you a definite answer. </p><p>He might be confident in the fact that he met Jongdae first, but it’s not like it really mattered. Love is not always measured by the length of time spent together, but sometimes, Minseok wished it was.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Year 1998 </em>
</p><p>Minseok was ten years old when his family moved to Seoul. After his dad got promoted to be a senior architect, he was asked to move to the capital to fulfill his position, so the whole Kim family immediately uprooted their lives from Gyeonggi to start a new adventure in the city. </p><p>At the time, Minseok hated it. He started being difficult about the entire ordeal, he didn't understand why they needed to move when his dad had a perfectly fine job back in Gyeonggi. He didn't see the reason why he had to say goodbye to all his friends and move to a place where he didn't know anyone. </p><p>He remembers how they arrived in Seoul early in the morning, with only a handful of people out on the streets. He remembers looking at the larger than life skyscrapers, feeling intimidated and scared about the unknown.</p><p>He thinks about the countless faces of strangers walking outside and immediately wishing that he was surrounded by the people he grew up with instead.</p><p>But then he remembers how his mom showed him their first sunrise in Seoul, and how he felt startled by the beauty that greeted him - the sun is still just peeking out from the horizon that time, and the rich hues of red, and orange are spread out in the boundless sky. </p><p>He thinks about how a hopeful feeling ignited in his chest just because of the beautiful view, and how he thought that perhaps being in Seoul won’t be so bad after all.</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Living in the city isn't quite what Minseok had expected it to be. First, he thought that he'd be able to meet new friends easily. Second, he imagined he’d be able to go out and roam in cool new places with the friends he expected to make. </p><p>But things aren't really working as he imagined it would. </p><p>For one, people in the city are quite different. Back in their little old town, new faces meant something exciting was happening. It meant that the townspeople - both curious and even nosy alike -  will come out of their hiding places with their friendly (and not-so-friendly) smiles, trying to get to know the new souls that's making itself at home in their quaint little town. </p><p>Minseok imagined (or maybe hoped) that people would be just as sociable when they moved to Seoul. </p><p>That was not quite the case. </p><p>Unlike his sleepy old town, Seoul meant thousands of people, and it signified that it's always about the hustle and bustle. With people moving out and about, a small family moving into a new house is nothing new nor exciting. </p><p>People come and go, and the neighbors are much too busy with their own lives to try and befriend any newcomers that arrived.</p><p><em> What a cold and unfriendly place, </em>Minseok thought as he laid in his bed that night, surrounded by boxes filled with memoirs of his past life.</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Being a quiet, shy kid had never been a problem for Minseok before. Well, he never really had the chance to become one since he never had to mingle with new kids, not when the kids he played with were people he’s known for his whole life.</p><p>Things in Seoul are different now. </p><p>Since everyone is basically a stranger, he soon realized that staring at other kids is not an effective way to be friends with them.</p><p>Minseok tries not to sulk as he sits all by his lonesome by the swingset. </p><p>He still has a month before the school year starts, so his mom encouraged him to go running around and exercise to pass his time instead of hiding inside the house. </p><p>It's not like he wanted to be cooped up in their house, but he doesn't know anyone at all. All the kids in the playground already have their own buddies. </p><p>Minseok’s mom has always encouraged him to come out of his shell, but it’s not an easy thing to do.  </p><p><em> “Why do they have to be all in groups already?” </em> Minseok thinks bitterly as he stares at a group of three boys by the sandbox. He has been eyeing them earlier, they looked like they were having the time of their lives -with whatever it is that they’re doing- but he still hasn’t figured out yet what to do, he isn’t the best in dealing with so many strangers at once.</p><p>The only thing he knows is that one of the kids wearing the light blue sweater is named Yunho, but that’s about it for now.</p><p>So he sits by the swingset instead, trying to formulate a good plan on how to become friends with them.</p><p>Making friends isn't as easy as the cartoon shows have told him.</p><p>He takes a closer look at the group again, and that's when he notices that Yunho and his friends are surrounding a little boy. Minseok first thought that they're playing earlier, except now he sees the big fat tears rolling down the little boy's cheeks.</p><p>The alarm goes off in Minseok’s mind, his mom told him to always play nice, and try not to cause any trouble if he can help it. But he also remembers her saying to never be afraid and speak up for himself if mom and dad aren’t there to help him out. </p><p>His mom and dad aren’t in the playground, and it looks like the crying boy doesn’t have his parents with him here either, so now it’s up to him to see what the fuss is all about.</p><p>He stands up from the swingset and approaches the sandbox. As he gets closer, he begins to hear the little sniffles that come from the little boy, along with the mocking voices from the group of kids that Minseok wanted to befriend earlier.</p><p>“Look at him, he’s such a cry baby! We haven’t even done anything yet and he’s crying like a little wimp!” </p><p>The little boy stands up on his two wobbly feet, and tries to sniff away his tears, “Leave me alone Yunho!”</p><p>Geez, the boy isn’t even half Yunho’s size.</p><p>“Oh, really? Or <em> what </em>?” Yunho sneered.</p><p>“Or I will deal with you,” Minseok blurts out from behind. He doesn’t know what came over him, really. But he knows that he isn’t going to stand by and watch as the little boy cries himself stupid over a bunch of bullies who can't even pick on someone their own size. </p><p>Yunho turns around and looks at him, “And who exactly are you?”</p><p>“I’m his friend.”</p><p>Minseok has never been thankful for the sudden growth spurt he had when he became 10, or else confronting Yunho and the rest of his friends will turn sour very fast. </p><p>“Little Jongdae here has a friend?!” Yunho mocks, “Who likes this snot-nosed brat?”</p><p>“I do, and if you don’t leave him alone, you’ll regret saying that.”</p><p>He parts his feet and changes his stance the way his Hapkido teacher had taught him to, internally proud of himself for taking up lessons early on. But if his old instructor learns how he’s using all his learned skills to fight kids in playgrounds, he’d definitely get an earful. </p><p>When Yunho and his friends take a step back, Minseok thinks that any scolding that he's going to get is probably worth it just by this alone. And just as he’s about to step forward, Yunho and his friends took off running. </p><p>What a bunch of cowards.</p><p>Now that Yunho and his friends are out of sight, Minseok turns and looks at the little boy, who is now dusting off the sand on his pants as he stands up.</p><p>“Thank you,” the little boy says, looking up at Minseok while rubbing his nose with his sleeve. </p><p>“You were pretty brave back there, standing up for yourself even if there were three of them and a foot taller than you.”</p><p>The little boy shrugs, “I needed to, or else they wouldn’t stop.”</p><p>Minseok studies the kid more closely while the boy is busy dusting himself off, and he realizes that the boy is not as little as he seemed to be. It must be the oversized grey hoodie that the kid is wearing that gave off the impression that he was smaller than he really is.</p><p>Minseok thinks that he liked the little boy better than that Yunho guy, he likes how he stuck up for himself despite being all alone, and he admires him for that. </p><p>He was just about to introduce himself when the boy beats him to it.</p><p>“I’m Kim Jongdae, and I’m eight years old, I don’t know anything about all that pose you did just now but I think it was really, really cool. Also, my mom is a florist,” he sticks out his hand toward Minseok after introducing himself.</p><p>Minseok smiles at the boy in front of him, “It’s nice to meet you Jongdae, I’m Kim Minseok. I'm ten years old, so that makes me your hyung. What you saw earlier was a bit of what I learned from Hapkido. Also, my mom is not a florist,” He replies, shaking Jongdae’s hand carefully.</p><p>Jongdae smiled, and Minseok smiled back. Minseok decides that he likes the warmth and comfort that Jongdae radiates. </p><p>“So, do you want to play?” Jongdae asks, “I was just practicing my sandcastle-making skills earlier until Yunho started being a poop head and ruined everything.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok and Jongdae spent the whole afternoon playing in the sandbox afterward. And while Minseok hated the feeling of sand getting <em> everywhere, </em> he couldn’t bring himself to leave, not when this magnetic boy is smiling brightly at him.</p><p>He couldn't even get mad when Jongdae laughed at the downfall of his latest sandcastle creation. </p><p>Minseok can only stare as the short giggles erupt into full-blown laughter, with Jongdae throwing his head back and laughing heartily, “Hyung your face! I want to squeeze them!” </p><p>Minseok should demand Jongdae to treat him with more respect as his hyung, but his tinkling laugh surrounds Minseok's whole body, almost as if enveloping him in a warm hug. </p><p>The sight makes his spirit soar and a hopeful feeling surrounds his chest. It feels like he’s been transported back to the time where he saw Seoul’s sunrise for the first time. </p><p>Warm, hopeful, bright.</p><p>“Hyung, do you want to be my best friend forever?”</p><p>Minseok finds himself nodding and smiling brightly in response.</p><p>Perhaps he won’t feel too lonely in the city anymore.</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>On that same day, Minseok offered to walk Jongdae home, just in case Yunho and his friends try to corner Jongdae again when he isn't around. Jongdae insisted he was completely fine walking home on his own, but the hands tightly clutching Minseok’s sleeves seemed to tell a different story.</p><p>To divert his attention, Minseok told him that Jongdae can also tour him around the neighborhood as they walk to his house.  It does the trick, and Jongdae was all too pleased to help his newfound hyung. </p><p>The tour turned out to be quite short-lived since Jongdae's house isn't too far from the playground, and that means their houses aren't too far from each other. </p><p>The thought greatly pleases Minseok. </p><p>When they arrive in front of Jongdae's house, the front door suddenly opens. </p><p>Jongdae jumps excitedly and runs to the woman on the front door, “Mom! This is Minseok-hyung and he’s going to be my best friend forever!”</p><p>“Minseok?” Jongdae’s mom asks, looking at his direction.</p><p>Minseok bows his head as he greets her, “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Kim, I’m Kim Minseok and we just moved to Seoul recently.”</p><p>Jongdae nods enthusiastically, “He’s the best mom! He chased away that poophead Yunho and his friends when they were bothering me earlier! And he was so cool! He told me that Yunho got scared because they didn’t know anything about Hapkido, and we played in the sandbox all afternoon! And it was the best afternoon ever! He even offered to play at his house sometime so we wouldn’t have to deal with kids like Yunho’s friends!”</p><p>“It isn’t nice to call anyone a poophead Jongdae,” she chides. Then Mrs. Kim furrows her eyebrow and levels her head at her son, “I hope that you didn’t force Minseok to invite you.”</p><p>“No! Hyung offered!” Jongdae cries indignantly, “Hyung, you invited me right?”</p><p>Minseok nods.</p><p>Mrs. Kim smiles at Minseok, “Well, it was very nice of Minseok to invite you to their house, and I think there’s no harm in letting you have a sleepover. I just have to talk to his mom first okay?”</p><p>Minseok pipes up at this, “Oh- I’ve written our home number here Mrs. Kim,” he pulls out a wrinkled piece of paper that he had written earlier after Jongdae made him promise that he’ll let him go to his house. He dusts off the sand in the paper, some of it must’ve gotten stuck when he sat inside the sandbox. He straightens it out carefully and hands it to Jongdae’s mom. </p><p>“I prepared it for you so you can also talk to my mom about it, it would also be nice if she can meet new people around the neighborhood!” Minseok beams, feeling proud of himself for this feat.  </p><p>Mrs. Kim softly smiles at him, “How thoughtful of you Minseok. I’ll just give your mom a call and we can settle everything soon okay? </p><p>“Yaaay!” Jongdae happily shouts, “It’s going to be the best summer of my life!”</p><p>Minseok, in turn, hopes it’s going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok and Jongdae became inseparable ever since that fateful day in the playground.</p><p>Minseok had never really thought about what having a best friend felt like, his family moved often a lot when he was young, so he never really got the chance to connect deeply with kids his age before.</p><p>All of the kids he met in the past were just brief encounters that Minseok forgot about the day after.</p><p>And since he was always a bit shy, he never had the chance to fully express himself the way he wanted to back then.</p><p>The worries of getting ignored or having no one to talk to never happened anymore after becoming friends with Jongdae. </p><p>Minseok thinks that Jongdae is the best, he’s so lively, and often very mischievous. He never runs out of stories that fill up the silences, and he never made Minseok feel bad for never being able to keep up with his energy, Jongdae had always been content with just Minseok’s presence.</p><p>Jongdae is funny and magnetic, and the way he tells stories captivates Minseok’s attention. Minseok couldn’t help but be entranced by Jongdae’s face as he re-tells the tale of his adventures whenever he helps his mom out in her floral shop. </p><p>And judging by Jongdae’s stories, it’s so obvious that many people are enraptured too.</p><p>He doesn’t completely understand why Yunho never liked Jongdae at all. </p><p>“He says that I’m too small to join their group,” Jongdae explains one time, “And that I’m too noisy that it makes their ears bleed.”</p><p>Minseok looks at the boy in front of him, he doesn’t think Jongdae is too small, he’s just the right size, he’s very cute and lively. He shrugs, he doesn’t care about any of those dumb reasons, Yunho is a poop head anyway. </p><p>Yunho may not like the stories that Jongdae brings with him, but Minseok doesn’t mind hearing his voice at all. Jongdae never fails to brighten up Minseok’s day, he looks forward to the laughter he brings inside his house. </p><p>And the best part is that he always listens to Minseok, he’s always been a kid with few words, but Jongdae never made him feel pressured to express himself in a way that other kids expected him to, he has his own simple way of expressing himself, and Jongdae completely understood him.</p><p>“My mom is always busy at the floral shop,” Jongdae explains sheepishly when Minseok asked, “And I was always left to sit all alone in the backroom, I used to talk to myself so that I wouldn’t feel so alone. But you know, I don’t mind the silence anymore as long as you’re around.” </p><p>Minseok feels like his heart swelled three times its size upon hearing those words, “I’m glad I met you too Jongdae.”</p><p>Jongdae doesn’t know that he brings calmness in the deafening silence that Minseok drowns himself in. </p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Year 2003 </em>
</p><p>Minseok met Byun Baekhyun during the summer before he officially entered high school. </p><p>On his way to Hapkido class, Minseok realized that it had started drizzling, he briefly cursed his luck but decided that braving the rain is only a small sacrifice to attend his favorite class. </p><p>He loves Hapkido, it’s one of the things he likes doing without Jongdae. For a time, he wanted Jongdae to join in the fun. After all, what would be better than having his two favorite things all in one place? </p><p>Jongdae didn’t want to though, and for someone who’s always so energetic and vibrant, he never sought physical activities and exercises that he didn’t deem fun.</p><p>
  <em> “What is so appealing about throwing each other on the ground?” Jongdae complained after Minseok attempted to teach him some basic moves. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s not just throwing each other around Dae, it’s about self-defense-” Minseok explains.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Besides, why do I need to learn all that? When I have you to protect me anyway?" Jongdae smiles cheekily.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minseok huffs, Jongdae can be such a brat sometimes, but both of them know that it’s the truth anyway. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It doesn’t mean he’ll admit it out loud though, “Let’s not be too hopeful,” he claims sarcastically. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Aww hyung! You love me!” </em>
</p><p>Minseok arrives at the gym looking a little worse for wear, his hair is a bit damp due to the rainshower he caught on the way. He heaves a little as he scrambles to fix his things and his clothes. </p><p>He runs towards his class when he sees all the other students already lined up in their white uniforms. He breathes a sigh of relief when he notices that his class hasn't officially started yet. Their teacher is talking to another adult with an unfamiliar kid wearing his hapkido uniform. </p><p><em> Must be a new student, </em>Minseok thinks as he lines up with the other kids.</p><p>Later on, he learns that the new kid’s name is Byun Baekhyun, he’s a new student that will be joining them this summer. </p><p>Minseok wonders what that Byun kid was like, he hasn't had the chance to talk to the new kid yet, but he notices how Baekhyun attracts the other kids like a moth to a flame.</p><p>He pays it no mind, it’s always been like that whenever a new kid enters their class anyway. For a time, Minseok was the receiving end of such attention, and it wasn’t the most comfortable experience to have.</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>It’s still raining when their class ends, and Minseok idly stands at the front door, glaring at the dark clouds, as if his scowls alone will make the rain disappear altogether.</p><p>It was just his luck that he was the last person from his Hapkido class who left the locker area. Just as Minseok was contemplating on running through the rain again, he hears a voice from behind. </p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>Minseok looks back and realizes that it’s the new kid who joined their class today. </p><p>“Hello,” he greets back, unsure what to say. </p><p>Baekhyun smiles at him in response, eyes shining as he does so, and it takes Minseok aback for a second. "Waiting for someone to pick you up?" </p><p>Minseok shakes his head mutely, feeling a little shy to admit that he forgot his umbrella with him, "Nah, I just feel like hanging out here." </p><p>A toothy smile blooms in the new kid's face, “You don’t sound too sure about that.”</p><p>Minseok pouts, not liking the teasing tone in the other’s voice, “Aren’t you supposed to go home now?”</p><p>"Only if you’re willing to share my umbrella with me I guess," Baekhyun says as he brings out his little umbrella from his bag.</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok decides that Baekhyun isn't so bad. </p><p>Despite being technically strangers, Baekhyun shared his umbrella and walked Minseok back home. So he decides to treat the boy out to something nice as a thank you, and the way Baekhyun’s face scrunched up in delight really made Minseok feel like he offered more than just a small snack.  </p><p>“Can I have ice cream then?!” Baekhyun asks as he clings to Minseok’s arm.</p><p>“Um, sure?" It feels weird to have someone cling to his arm, but he didn’t have the heart to detach himself after receiving such a happy smile.<br/><br/>“I hope they have strawberry flavors!!” Baekhyun says as his face scrunches up in delight. </p><p>It’s a little surprising how Baekhyun can carry that boyish grin so naturally, as if he's still a small child. </p><p>Minseok feels slightly bitter since he definitely wasn’t as cute when he was 14 (if Jongdae's teasing remarks about his acne were anything to go by).</p><p>And just like that, Minseok gains another friend.<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p> 🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Baekhyun is a nice company, so much so that Minseok always felt excited about attending Hapkido class. In their conversations, he learned that Baekhyun is the same age as Jongdae and that his family lives in Bucheon. </p><p>The only reason he's in the same class as Minseok now is because he is taking a vacation in Seoul with his grandparents while his parents are finishing a business deal in the city. </p><p>Since he doesn’t have his usual friends to keep him company, his grandparents encouraged him to take up Hapkido here and make new friends. </p><p>Minseok is a bit glad that Baekhyun’s grandparents successfully convinced him, Hapkido is a lot more fun now that Baekhyun is here. </p><p>Not that Minseok would confess that anytime soon. </p><p>But being with Baekhyun is easy and comfortable, full of surprises but never unpleasant. He has this cheerful and playful aura around him that both exasperates and amuses Minseok to no end.</p><p>In addition, he brings balance into Minseok’s and Jongdae's friendship that he didn't know they needed. No, there wasn't anything lacking between the two of them, but Baekhyun's addition to their duo had definitely brightened up their days now that they are now a group of three.</p><p>There's something about his easy smiles and charming personality that just draws the two best friends in. Sure, he might be a little too exhausting to be with sometimes, but having all that jokes and antics at his arsenal always brings them peals of laughter.</p><p>Their friendship is very tight-knit, but what most people didn’t know was that introducing Baekhyun and Jongdae together proved to be a lot more difficult than Minseok imagined it to be.  </p><p>At first, Minseok thought that the biggest obstacle that stopped him from introducing the two is time - every time he wanted the two to meet, suddenly it’s like Jongdae is the busiest person in the world.</p><p>But the truth was, Jongdae was actually trying to avoid meeting Baekhyun out of sheer spite. It was the most amusing and puzzling time that Minseok has ever dealt with his best friend.</p><p>It wasn’t obvious at first. Even for Minseok. Jongdae, for the most part, has always been a welcoming and happy-go-lucky spirit to any new person that he meets.  </p><p>And Jongdae is always eager to hear all about his stories after he returns from his Hapkido lessons. Well- as eager as one could be while doing a flower arrangement with his back turned away.</p><p>He only noticed Jongdae’s reluctance when their Hapkido instructor decided to organize a small outing to the amusement park once their lessons had finished, and Minseok decided to invite Jongdae. </p><p>It will also serve as a farewell party since Baekhyun’s family will go back to Bucheon once school starts again, so Minseok decided that it will be a great opportunity for Jongdae to finally meet his new friend. </p><p>It turned out to be one of the most dramatic fights he had with Jongdae. </p><p>
  <em> “Hyung!” Jongdae cries indignantly. “He’s stealing you away from me!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What? That’s stupid. I’m not replacing anyone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “What’s stupid is that you found a perfect little friend who attends Hapkido with you!”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You and Baekhyun are both of my friends! You’d be friends with him too if you agreed to meet him!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “No!”  </em>
</p><p>It took five days of radio silence, a tub of chocolate ice cream, and a huge stem of sunflower for them to make up, and for Jongdae to eventually agree to Minseok’s wishes.</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>The amusement park trip is apparently the miracle that Minseok needed for Jongdae and Baekhyun to become good friends. </p><p>Minseok loves heart-stopping rides, it’s been a while since he’s had the chance to go to one. So he was having the time of his life pointing out all the different rides he wanted to ride. </p><p>In times like this, Jongdae is the little daredevil who’s always there to match the energy of the person he’s with, so he usually indulges Minseok when it comes to stupid ideas that he wants to do. The stupid ideas, in this case, is getting in all the scariest and most adrenaline-inducing rides the park had to offer. </p><p>However, instead of joining him, Minseok got surprised that Jongdae decided to stay behind with Baekhyun when the latter politely declined to join them. </p><p>He knows Jongdae is still a bit skeptical about Minseok’s idea of being friends with Baekhyun. But he’s glad that his best friend is finally warming up to the idea. It must’ve been the bubble tea that Baekhyun bought for everyone earlier that melted Jongdae’s heart, especially since it was his favorite flavor.</p><p>Later on, when Minseok began teasing Jongdae about it, he found out that the reason why Jongdae stayed behind is because Baekhyun was shaking like a leaf at the thought of getting on a rollercoaster. </p><p>Minseok feels warm at how kind Jongdae is, he’s always been the more attentive and attuned to a person’s inner worries. And despite hesitating to befriend Baekhyun, he never had any qualms in staying behind with the boy just because he was scared.</p><p>“I just wanted to keep Baekhyun company is all,” Jongdae answers when Minseok teases him about it, “It seemed like he wasn’t a big fan of huge roller coasters as much as you are.”</p><p>Minseok feels a little bad that he missed Baekhyun’s nervous tremors all day, but his heart warms at the thought that Jongdae kept him company. </p><p>He might be too busy cooing, but he certainly didn't miss what Jongdae told him next. “I guess he’s a fun company in the arcade games too,” Jongdae mutters under his breath. </p><p>He chuckles in response, ruffling Jongdae’s hair and patting his head, “You’re such a good boy Dae, I’m glad you and Baekhyun are friends now.”</p><p>“Hyung, it isn't like that!” </p><p>“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him that you like him.”</p><p>“Hyung!”</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Jongdae clinging to Baekhyun was an amusing sight. </p><p>Jongdae had never really cried that much anymore after the Yunho incident, so the fat tears silently rolling down his cheeks and his tight grip on Minseok’s arm as they sent off Baekhyun’s family astonished him. </p><p>It was enough to tell him that his best friend had also gotten attached to the droopy-eyed ball of energy that suddenly entered their lives.</p><p>After that amusement park incident, Baekhyun took it upon himself to visit Jongdae in their flower shop every day, even dragging Minseok along even if he had to do chores for his parents. </p><p>They would routinely help Jongdae and Mrs. Kim in all sorts of errands around the shop: sweeping off the dried petals, putting in fresh water in the vases every day, cutting out the dried stems, etc.</p><p>Because of the two extra pair of helping hands, their errands are completed in record time, and it became easier to convince Mrs. Kim about letting Jongdae play with them. </p><p>They usually take turns when deciding on what to do. But it's usually just a cycle of them hanging out, playing video games, and stuffing their faces with junk food. On a good day, they would bike around the neighborhood, savoring the breeze blowing on their faces as they race against each other. </p><p>Time sure does fly by when you’re having fun, and before they knew it Baekhyun’s date of departure had arrived.</p><p>“Don’t worry Dae,” Minseok soothes, he uses his thumb to wipe off the tears on Jongdae’s cheeks, “Didn’t Baekhyun promise that he’ll move here soon once he starts high school?”</p><p>He feels sad about Baekhyun’s departure too, and he tries not to think about how Baekhyun might soon forget about his two friends in Seoul when he sees his original friends in Bucheon.</p><p>“I’m not crying,” Jongdae sniffs, “There’s just dust in my eyes, it’s windy today hyung.”</p><p>Minseok smiles, Jongdae always tries to act strong even if he doesn’t need to be, always trying to mask his emotions. It’s a good thing he knows his best friend better than that. He pulls Jongdae toward him and hugs him in response, “Of course you aren’t.”</p><p>“Do you think Baekhyun will forget us?” He asks softly.</p><p>Minseok feels a bit flustered now that Jongdae voiced out the same troubles he had in his mind, but then he thinks of Baaekhyun’s bright smile and the strawberry keychains he left, telling them that it would keep them company while he's away. </p><p>“Nah, I don’t think he will.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok hates experiencing the first day of school. It always takes some time getting used to, and being an unfamiliar face surrounded by hundreds of strangers never fails to make Minseok feel overwhelmed.</p><p>It also feels a bit odd being in a space full of strangers without the comfort of Jongdae’s presence. But he wanted to be familiar with the place and people soon, so by the time Jongdae finally attends the same school, he can be a good hyung and help him, showing him all the best places and things around.</p><p>He thinks about his mother's advice to join clubs to meet new friends, and his nose wrinkles at the thought, he isn’t the best at making friends nor making good impressions.</p><p>But when he spots the tryouts for football, Minseok figures it’s worth a shot. That’s how he met Luhan, his very first friend in high school.</p><p>The first two years of high school was a bit of a routine, attending classes, suffering through school projects and homework, playing football with Luhan after school, and spending weekends with Jongdae. Sometimes, he spends the weekend with both Luhan and Jongdae. Luhan would often beg Minseok to tutor him in Math and Calculus because he couldn’t be bothered to actually listen during their classes.</p><p>The weekend meet-ups weren’t the most peaceful when Luhan and Jongdae are in the same room since it usually escalates to squabbles between his two friends. </p><p>Jongdae is pretty firm with his opinions and he likes to give an input or two of his own that Luhan vehemently disagrees with. Other times, Jongdae even puts up a fight, but those are for special cases when Minseok is hanging out at Mrs. Kim’s flower shop and Luhan suddenly barges in for an impromptu tutoring session.</p><p>
  <em> “Look, if you’d just listened to your lessons like Minseok-hyung did, you wouldn’t even have to beg him to teach you!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Listen here coconut head, I don’t have to listen to someone whose bangs are only 2 centimeters long! If you don't even know the socially respectable length of bangs, then I don’t need to hear your opinion about my lessons.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Coconut- listen here! I think these bangs are part of my charm! Hyung! My bangs are cute right?!”   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think you’re a very cute coconut Jongdae.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hyung!” </em>
</p><p>When their fights eventually end up with Jongdae throwing dried leaves in Luhan’s face and Luhan almost throwing a fit as he helps out Jongdae make a flower arrangement, Minseok is kind of glad Baekhyun isn't with them yet. </p><p>
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</p><p>The whole 2 years of being apart weren’t as bad as they thought it would be, Baekhyun often writes letters and sends packages from their hometown. Then Jongdae and Minseok would write letters together and send packages of their own in return. Minseok loved the packages a lot, not just for the gifts, but also because of the meaning behind it. Opening the packages felt like getting a glimpse of Baekhyun’s life outside Seoul. Sometimes Luhan tries to steal some of the goodies Baekhyun sent out, but it’s nothing he and Jongdae cannot handle. </p><p>Baekhyun also got the chance to spend his Chuseok with both of them after successfully convincing his parents to celebrate it in Seoul this year. </p><p>Baekhyun’s solid presence, despite his distance, has eased the doubt that clouded Jongdae and Minseok’s mind when he first went away.</p><p>The little party of <em> MinseokandJongdae </em>officially became a crowd of three when Baekhyun came back to Seoul and attended their school. Of course, there is also Luhan too, the thorn in Minseok’s side, as Jongdae would call him. </p><p>Minseok is content, he’s always surrounded by Jongdae’s warm and playful personality, Baekhyun’s mischievous stories that bring laughter in the most surprising ways, and Luhan’s strong and bold antics that never fail to bring excitement in their group.</p><p>Life is fun, and Minseok is happy. Of course, he cannot deny that he gets a bit more curious about what’s out there. In a group of energetic young boys, it’s only normal that Minseok and his friends became more and more curious about romance. </p><p>Luhan and Baekhyun are the popular ones among the four of them, their strong personalities often shining through that draw people in, attracting a line of different admirers. </p><p>Minseok, for all his quiet and reserved personality, is also quite a catch, or so his friends tell him. Baekhyun and Luhan often tease him that it’s his ‘mysterious’ personality that really makes the girls and boys swoon.<br/><em><br/></em> <em> “It’s not like I’m being mysterious on purpose Baek, stop making things up.” </em></p><p>
  <em> “He’s right,” Luhan agrees, “He’s just an awkward turtle, people just like romanticizing things because he has a cute smile.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m kind of impressed that you managed to both insult and compliment me in just one sentence, congrats.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Thanks, it’s a talent.” </em>
</p><p>He’s not really that eager to welcome anyone in his personal bubble, but he’s only human. So he can’t say he isn’t flattered when different girls (and even boys) try to catch his eyes when he walks across the hallways of their school.</p><p>It’s always just very casual flings and playful flirting, nothing too remarkable than a funny story that he and his friends can reminisce too, and nothing too serious that catches his breath and makes his heartache just yet. </p><p>Somehow, amongst all that excitement, no one ever quite noticed the secret glances thrown by one of their friends, the hint of faint blush on their cheeks when they stare at the object of their affection.</p><p>Maybe that’s the reason why heartbreaks can be difficult, it often catches you off guard because you aren’t paying enough attention.</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok’s head is spinning, he spent so much time finishing his paper for his Literature class, even pulling an all-nighter for it, only for the substitute teacher to announce that Mrs. Choi is on an emergency sick leave and that deadlines for all her papers are moved to another week. </p><p>Minseok wants to cry out of sheer frustration, but he’s too tired to exert extra energy aside from loudly sighing. </p><p>He decides to eat his heart out in the cafeteria instead, at least food had never betrayed him like this. When he finds Baekhyun and Jongdae sitting on their usual table, he plops beside Jongdae and leans his head against his best friend’s shoulder. </p><p>“I hate everything,” Minseok mumbles as he tucks his head on Jongdae’s neck. Jongdae leans on Minseok’s head in return and hands him his favorite strawberry milk, “Did Mrs. Choi not like the paper you submitted?” he asks.</p><p>Minseok softly squeals in delight as he takes the drink. Jongdae always knows when he needs comfort, he’s always so grateful for his friend.</p><p>“No,” Minseok whines. “They postponed the submission to a later date, apparently Mrs. Choi had an emergency and will return around next week, we can submit it by then."</p><p>“Aren’t you supposed to be happy now that the deadline is pushed back?”</p><p>“I drank so much coffee for nothing!”</p><p>“But don’t you love coffee?”</p><p>“I’d enjoy it more if I wasn’t under the pressure of churning out a 5-page paper in less than 6 hours.”</p><p>“Coffee is still coffee!”</p><p>Minseok is about to retort back when Luhan quickly sits down and puts his food tray loud enough to get the attention of all his friends. </p><p>“Hey, watch it! Your soup almost spilled on my sandwich.” Baekhyun complains as he pulls his tray closer to his chest.</p><p>Luhan ignores him as he settles in more comfortably in his seat, “Have you guys heard about what happened to Mrs. Choi?”</p><p>Minseok finishes his drink and puts the empty bottle on the table, “Um, yeah? We’re supposed to submit our paper today remember? I even stayed up late for it! Too bad the deadline is moved next week.”</p><p>“Not that Minnie, you know my paper is practically non-existent. The postponement is a godsend to be honest.”</p><p>“You know Luhan, sometimes I wonder how you even manage to pass your classes with that kind of laziness.”</p><p>Luhan scoffs. “Shut up Jongdae, that’s a problem for another day! And anyway, that’s not what’s important right now! I just found out what’s the cause of Mrs. Choi’s absence!”</p><p>“Didn’t hyung say she took an emergency sick leave?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s as far as what our teacher said. But apparently there’s more to the story,” Luhan claims. His eyes are sparkling with excitement. He usually looks like this when he’s about to share some ‘piping hot tea’ as he would often say. </p><p>Baekhyun pauses mid-bite, “Well, what is it?” Despite being busy with his food, good gossip is enough to distract him. Minseok thinks that If it weren’t for Luhan and Baekhyun, he and Jongdae would probably be always behind the gossip mill.</p><p>“Calm down, I’m about to get there.” Luhan shushes him. “Anyway, so I dropped by the faculty room earlier this morning to catch Mrs. Choi before her class planning to beg for an extension, but just as I’m about to open the door closest to her table, I heard several teachers murmuring around her table, and that’s when I learned that something’s wrong.” </p><p>Jongdae tilts his head in confusion, “Wrong...how?”</p><p>“From what I heard, it seems like she contracted a very rare disease and had to undergo an emergency treatment, something how it’s a matter of life and death.”</p><p>“Shit, it’s that serious?” Minseok says, he tries to recall if there were any telling signs during Mrs. Choi’s past classes, but there wasn’t anything noticeable enough to catch his attention, “I’ve always thought that she just caught a bad flu, that’s why she’s always coughing around lately.”</p><p>Luhan nods, “That’s what everyone thought too! Except when the teachers went to Mrs. Choi’s table to get some teaching materials, they found something odd.” Luhan pauses as he sips his water.</p><p>“Luhan please, just fucking get to it!” Baekhyun complained.</p><p>“Geez, can’t a guy pause for a drink?” Luhan notices that Baekhyun is about to throw his sandwich in his direction so puts his hands up, “Alright! Stop getting mad.” </p><p>“So anyway, when they opened Mrs. Choi’s drawers, they noticed that there were petals everywhere.”</p><p>“Petals?” Jongdae asked confusedly. </p><p>“Yeah, an alarming amount of petals, to the point that the drawers are full to bursting.” </p><p>“What does that have to do with anything?” </p><p>“Well you see, some teachers were speculating that these petals were actually the reason why she’s been coughing non-stop.”</p><p>“The fuck?” Baekhyun looks grossed out, and honestly, Minseok can relate.</p><p>“Yeah, according to one of our school nurses, he’s encountered a similar case from his last work, they call it Hanahaki Disease.”</p><p>“Hanahaki?”</p><p>“Yeah, according to the nurse it’s a very rare disease where an individual who is experiencing an unrequited or one-sided love coughs up or vomits petals and flowers that began to grow in their lungs.” Luhan pauses, looking nauseated by the idea itself. "That’s as far as I heard, the nurse didn’t go into a lot of details since it's not his speciality, but he did say that when it goes untreated, the flowers will eventually grow and populate, to the point that breathing will be difficult and lead the victim’s to their deaths.”  </p><p>Minseok mulls over what he heard, trying to process the absurdity of everything that Luhan shared with them. Then, a sudden thought crosses his mind. “Wait, one-sided love? I thought Mrs. Choi is married?”</p><p>“Yes! That’s why everyone was confused, but someone said Mrs. Choi is going through a divorce, so it makes things sound more complicated if you put two and two together.”</p><p>“Oh god, that’s horrible,” Baekhyun says. </p><p>Minseok wordlessly agrees, he tries not to shudder as he thinks about how tragic the whole thing is. It’s a lot to take in. He doesn’t even know the whole story, but he feels uncomfortable at the idea that feelings and love can be dangerous like that. </p><p>After hearing Luhan’s story, Minseok decides he doesn't like the existence of Hanahaki, it's...perplexing. </p><p>
  <em> How come one-sided love is almost equivalent to a death sentence?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Does it really mean there are no second chances in life?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> How come being the first one to fall in love becomes some sort of a losing end deal?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Do people really let themselves die of heartbreak that easily? </em>
</p><p>“Did they specify what type of flower it was?” Jongdae asks all of a sudden. Minseok looks at his friend, he often forgets that he’s a son of a florist, he’s practically the heir of their shop. Of course Jongdae would be interested in anything flower-related, no matter how morbid or odd the situation is.</p><p>“Hmm, from what I heard they found a lot of rose petals in her drawers, except the color isn’t red.” Luhan crosses his head across his chest, clearly thinking it over, “I think they said it was yellow?”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“What? Is it bad?” Baekhyun asks.</p><p>“You do know that red roses normally symbolize true love right?" Jongdae asks Baekhyun. "But usually the meaning varies depending on the color, if we’re talking about yellow-colored petals, it can mean various emotions. At present, sending a bouquet of yellow roses can mean you want to express warmth and affection to its recipient, but historically speaking, it symbolizes <em> jealousy</em>.” </p><p>Minseok’s heart hurts at the implication. </p><p>Jongdae rests his chin on his hand as he ponders over his thoughts, “Speaking of, have you noticed if Mrs. Choi has been wearing her wedding ring lately?”</p><p>Luhan shakes his head, “Not really.”</p><p>And then there was nothing but silence in their table after that.</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>It’s just Minseok’s luck that he got sick a week after, his body finally succumbing to the continuous all-nighters he pulled that crashed his immune system. </p><p>He would’ve gladly welcomed his fate if it happened on a weekend, but it's just his luck that he got sick on a Monday instead, rendering him incapable of passing his paper on its due date. </p><p>So much for that extension. Minseok hopes that Mrs. Choi will accept it if he grovels. </p><p>He makes sure he arrives early on school before any of his classes start and directly heads to the faculty room. He knows Mrs. Choi likes to arrive early to get some early reading for her classes, and he wants to get a chance to talk to her while she is still in a good mood.</p><p>As soon as he enters the room, he walks directly up to the table, suddenly feeling his heart on his throat. More than his late paper, he can’t get the story of Hanahaki disease out of his mind. Something about Luhan's story really rattled him, but he doesn't want to show that to Mrs. Choi. A lot of rumors have gotten around last week, and he doesn't want her to think that he knows a lot more than the baseless rumors going around. He likes Mrs. Choi, and that would be entirely disrespectful of him.</p><p>When he reaches her table, he immediately starts profusely apologizing for missing the deadline.</p><p>"Don't worry about it Mr. Kim, your friend Jongdae already talked to me about it, you don't have to beg like this. I'm going to accept your paper.”</p><p>Minseok looks at her with surprise all over his face. "Jongdae?"</p><p>Mrs. Choi nods as she takes Minseok’s paper out of his hands, "Yes, he even got me a new bouquet of flowers and everything. Such a sweet and thoughtful boy."</p><p>Minseok scratches his head, entirely taken aback about the revelation. "I didn't know about that at all, but yes, he's always been a good friend. The way he takes care of me, it sometimes feels like he's the hyung between us."</p><p>Mrs. Choi smiles, "People don't often receive affection and devotion like that Mr. Kim. Please treasure your relationship with Jongdae well." </p><p>Minseok looks at Mrs. Choi's smile, she's the same person just a few weeks back before the shitstorm that happened. But it feels like there's something missing in her presence that he can't put a name to. Minseok shakes the thought away. It's probably just his medicines that are making him still a bit dizzy. </p><p>"Of course Mrs. Choi, he's a good friend. I treasure him a lot. Thank you again for letting me submit this even if it's late.”</p><p>But just as he's about to turn away, he notices the picture frame on his teacher's desk. As he looks closely, he learns that it was a photo of a younger Mrs. Choi in a long white dress, holding a bouquet that looked similar to the flowers that Luhan and Jongdae discussed last week. </p><p>Before his mouth can catch up to his brain, he suddenly asks, "You look very blooming in your photo Mrs. Choi, was that during your wedding day?" </p><p>Mrs. Choi looks confused and turns at the picture frame in question. She squints at it and a look of bewilderment paints her face as if she's seeing the photo for the very first time. </p><p>"Yes, I suppose it was." She vaguely answers. There's a furrow in her brows as she takes the frame to look at it closer. From this angle he notices Mrs. Choi was posing with her husband outside the church they got married in, both smiling brightly. The vibrant red bouquet of roses stands out and Minseok couldn’t help but feel a pang in his heart.</p><p>“You must’ve been really happy that day then,” he further comments.</p><p>Mrs. Choi continues to look at the photo, looking completely entranced with the whole thing. </p><p>Just as he is about to call her attention, she gazes up at him, "I'm sorry Mr. Kim, I don't remember any of this at all."</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>
  <em> Year 2006 (Summer)</em>
</p><p>“So, are you scared about college?” Jongdae asks as he idly kicks his feet in the water.</p><p>It's three in the afternoon, Minseok and Jongdae are hanging out by the lake to escape the sweltering heat that seems to seep underneath their cotton, sleeveless shirts. For a few seconds, a breeze passes by provides instantaneous relief, but it's gone as soon as it appears. </p><p>In this heat Minseok wonders just how Luhan succeeded in dragging Baekhyun out for a hike on the small hill. </p><p>It is their first-ever camping trip, and they're trying to make the most out of it by exploring all the places they've never been to before. Normally Baekhyun wouldn’t be caught dead engaging in such a rigorous activity out of his own will, but Luhan begged the boy to go with him, fluttering his eyes to eventually convince Baekhyun. </p><p>It was an amusing sight to see Baekhyun trying to escape from Luhan’s request, but Luhan can really be persuasive when he wanted to be, and as a result, Baekhyun finally caved in despite his reluctance about anything that requires exercise.</p><p>
  <em> “Hapkido doesn’t count! At least I can beat people up!” Baekhyun argues. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you’re going by that argument, then it’s time for you to find another outlet for your aggression.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Minseok-hyung! Help me out here! You know how much I hate nature!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think nature will do you some good, my sides still hurt after our last sparring you know.” </em>
</p><p>The camping trip was a random idea that came out of nowhere, now that Minseok and Luhan have officially graduated from high school, they wanted to make the most of the time they’re together before they part ways, with Minseok going off to college that’s hours away. Luhan however will go back to China to study and take over the next family business.</p><p>It was a big surprise for the three friends to learn that Luhan apparently came from a family of doctors that runs a large hospital in Beijing. The only reason why Luhan's parents moved to Korea years back is because they wanted to expand the business and open one of their biggest hospital branches in Seoul. Now that it’s gotten more stable, Luhan’s parents wanted their son to move back to China so that he can study and learn the business from the ground up.  </p><p>
  <em> “Can someone explain to me why we are going on a trip and bond with bugs and dirt if Luhan can easily arrange a trip that's fancier? You know, one with running water and working lights?” Baekhyun asks as soon as he hears the idea. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think bonding under the stars is a good way to solidify our friendship!” Luhan answers enthusiastically. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I haven’t been on a camping trip before! I think it’ll be fun Baek!” Jongdae agrees. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If a bug crawls on my face I am going to cut off our friendship right then and there.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minseok tries not to laugh at the horror in Baekhyun’s face. </em>
</p><p>The past few months before graduation had been a whirlwind, Minseok and Luhan started getting busy with final exams and college applications on top of the last football matches they had to participate in. Their academics will always come first, but it doesn’t mean that they’ll pass up the opportunity to play for the last time. </p><p>For Minseok, graduation felt like a bittersweet victory, as endings always do. He feels ecstatic at the idea of new beginnings and new paths that he’ll be taking. But he can’t also lie about the fact that there’s also this small terrified voice at the back of his head that he’s going to be alone in a new environment once more.</p><p>While Minseok is almost always open to finding new beginnings and experiencing another journey, it doesn't mean that he likes the disorienting feeling of the unknown. </p><p>He tries not to think about being all alone in such a big university, he tries not to be terrified at the thought that he'll be away for two years before Jongdae and Baekhyun can catch up, and he tries not to think about the possibility of them drifting apart.</p><p>College is a busy time in a student's life, and he understands that priorities change, distance is a big factor but he wishes it won’t get in the way in a friendship that he wants to treasure for a long time.</p><p>He tries to ignore the irrational fear that Baekhyun and Jongdae will eventually find new friends and forget about Minseok. </p><p>And now, here he is at the edge of the lake sitting with Jongdae as they gaze out on the open space, feeling the warm breeze against their faces. They're trying to make the most of his summer before college. It’s not the usual afternoons of spending their days helping out at Mrs. Kim's flower shop, nor wasting hours playing video games and watching tv in Baekhyun’s house.</p><p>No one has said anything, but all of them know that things are bound to change once the summer ends. </p><p>“I’ll be okay, I think,” Minseok replies.  </p><p>Jongdae quirks his eyebrow, “You don’t sound too sure about that.”  </p><p>Minseok sighs, it seems Jongdae is always one step ahead when it comes to reading his feelings,  “To be honest? It’s a mix of emotions, on one hand, I’m excited about the idea but...I guess you could say I’m also scared.” </p><p>“Scared?”</p><p>Minseok glances at his best friend, he tries to calm his beating heart, he shouldn't be nervous about revealing his fears like that, it’s Jongdae he’s talking to, his best friend of 8 years. Out of anyone else, he is the one who will completely understand him. When it comes to their friendship, the two of them don't need a lot of words to say to get their thoughts across. </p><p>In just one look, Jongdae would know the various emotions that Minseok's face paints. Jongdae knows that the cloud in his best friend’s eyes means there are a lot of things worrying him, and when he has his blank face on, it means that he's being indecisive, and when the furrow in between his eyebrows are visible, it means that he’s upset about something. </p><p>Even if Minseok cannot find the right words to express himself, Jongdae always understands. </p><p>Minseok takes a deep breath and looks across the lake, “We’re parting ways soon you know?” He pauses for a bit, trying to find the right words that can capture his feelings. “What if- what if there comes a time that we eventually drift apart?” Minseok looks away after voicing out his feelings, he looks down on his hands and toys with his bracelet, letting Jongdae process his words, he feels extremely embarrassed by letting out his feelings like that. He's supposed to be the older between the two, the one who should be able to provide comfort when his dongsaengs need them. </p><p>Minseok’s too caught up with his own emotional turmoil that he doesn’t notice Jongdae scoot from his seat and move closer to him. </p><p>Then a soft brush on his forearm brings his thoughts to halt,  “Minseok-hyung, you’re my best friend,” Jongdae replies. He pauses as he sits close beside Minseok, nudging him in the side in an attempt to show comfort, and despite the heaviness in his heart, Minseok welcomes the warmth that Jongdae exudes.</p><p>“We've been friends for years now, and I doubt something as trivial as distance will be something that can get in our way,” Jongdae says, he reaches for Minseok’s right hand, squeezing it softly. </p><p>“I think you and I will be just fine,” he says earnestly. </p><p>Minseok meets Jongdae’s gaze and he feels warm under his friend's unwavering attention, his eyes shining bright as the afternoon sun casts an amber effect on his brown irises. </p><p>It was then and there that Minseok thought that Jongdae looked the most stunning under the warm rays of the sun.</p><p>Staring at him too long leaves an unsettling feeling in Minseok's gut, it’s like he’s been blindsided. More often than not, he feels a little weird around Jongdae lately, and it’s like he can’t stop himself from thinking<em> things </em> around him sometimes -- like how Jongdae looks absolutely dashing when the sunlight hits his face just right. How he gives off a relaxing and soothing aura that no one can match, and there’s nobody in the world that Minseok felt as comfortable with.</p><p>And finally, how Jongdae has the brightest and most breathtaking smile he's ever seen. </p><p>He understands what it means, he's always been honest with himself like that, he knows the tingling feeling in his chest when he looks at his friends a little longer than he thinks he's allowed. But at the same time, it feels completely new and complex, he understands that it’s a bit different from his former crushes and flings - where most of the time it's that usual jolt of excitement when he is being showered with attention. </p><p>No -- being with Jongdae feels a bit more humbling than that, he doesn’t feel as flustered with anyone else as he does with his best friend. He doesn’t understand, can't even begin to point out how and when it all started, and it’s probably these budding emotions in his heart that made him as reluctant as he is about the future, casting shadows of doubt in his plans, planting seeds of anxiety about what will eventually come that no one can predict. </p><p>But the longer he stares at Jongdae’s sincere smile, he feels that maybe - just maybe, everything will be just fine.</p><p>“And I think you’re forgetting one tiny bit of detail,” Jongdae continues, “It’s not like you’re even moving to a different country, much less a city. I bet we’d see each other more than we anticipated. Stop being dramatic hyung~” </p><p>Minseok pushes Jongdae to the lake for his cheekiness. </p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>
  <em> Year 2007</em>
</p><p>True to Jongdae’s words, it really had been easy to catch up with his friends despite the initial adjustment and distance. </p><p>Minseok had the option to travel by public transport from his house to the university, but he decided that he can probably apply for cheap student housing if he managed to pull his grades high enough for Seoul University to accept his application. </p><p>After working hard during his first year, he managed to find a good offer (<em> A single room, all for himself! </em>) from the school right after he applied. Upon hearing the news, Baekhyun and Jongdae immediately went to visit him one weekend so that they could celebrate a little ‘housewarming’ party. Luhan even begged him to do a room tour via a video call just so he wouldn’t miss out on anything.</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t see the point of this Luhan.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Minnie please! Jongdae was bragging how you always display his arranged flowers in your room!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “And so?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Where is that painting I sent you as my housewarming gift?!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Luhan that thing is bigger than my window! I don’t have enough room for that here.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Lies! Just admit that Jongdae is your favorite!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “He’s always been my favorite, he doesn’t bitch like you and Baekhyun do.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Can’t you even try and lie to my face just to make me feel better?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll keep that in mind next time.” </em>
</p><p>Aside from keeping in touch with his old friends, he managed to find new ones right at the start of the semester. There’s Kim Junmyeon, a Statistics major, who had been Minseok’s friend since the first day of class. Junmyeon had savior that day, the only one who lent him an extra calculator when the professor suddenly announced a pop quiz.</p><p>There’s also Zhang Yixing, a Music major, and his dorm room neighbor. Despite not sharing any classes, they became fast friends because of their love for coffee. One would think that they met through some random coffee shop in the university, but the real truth was on his first morning after officially moving in, Minseok found his neighbor trying to balance a french press on his thighs while opening his door. Minseok even surprised himself on how fast he acted when the ‘coffee contraption’ almost fell on the floor. Yixing offered coffee as thanks and they’ve been friends ever since. </p><p>Baekhyun and Jongdae would often visit him so they could hang around in Minseok's dorm room. And when he has more free time, he even visits Mrs. Kim’s flower shop to help out like he used to. </p><p>Despite all the changes in his life, Minseok’s affections for his best friend never wavered. As time passes by, he thinks that Jongdae just gets more beautiful each day. </p><p>There are times where he finds himself staring at his friend for too long, taking in his mildly tousled brown hair, his strong arms, and narrow waist; his prominent cheekbones and bright eyes that were sometimes staring right back at him. </p><p>When Jongdae catches him, he acts nonchalantly and immediately changes the subject. Then Jongdae would laugh brightly at him and just say he's probably working too hard at school and now he’s spacing out all of a sudden.</p><p>Then he'd arrange another set of flowers that Minseok can bring back to his dorm room. </p><p>
  <em> "The Gladiolus signifies strength and strong character hyung, so even if I’m not physically there with you, when you see the flowers you’ll know that I’m always cheering you on.” </em>
</p><p>It's in these times that Minseok feels his heart race because of too many feelings, he's almost afraid that he'll suddenly say something idiotic. </p><p>So he calms himself and reaches for the bouquet with shaky fingers, and then smiles at the beautiful boy in front of him. </p><p>
  <em> "They’re beautiful. Thank you, Dae." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Anything for you, hyung." </em>
</p><p>Yeah, life is good for Minseok.</p><p> </p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Year 2008</em>
</p><p>If college is a person, it probably drinks student’s tears and blood for breakfast.</p><p>It is a Saturday night, and at times like this, normally one would find Minseok holed up in his bed, sleeping or binge-watching another anime series. </p><p>Unfortunately, it’s exam season, the bane of Minseok’s existence. So right now he is camping in his trusty, old, and rickety study table he inherited when he first moved in his dorm room, surrounded with various types of energy drinks and piles of readings in his table.</p><p>It’s his usual study set-up except amplified by energy drinks when coffee no longer works to wake up his veins. It's a tad bit uncomfortable than most, but Minseok likes the furniture just right. If it’s too comfortable for his tastes, he’ll find himself asleep within an hour of studying. </p><p>It’s not as if he doesn’t enjoy studying numbers, but it can only take so much of his attention span and concentration until he can almost feel his eyes melting from too much reading. </p><p>That’s how it’s supposed to be, until someone suddenly knocks on his door at three in the morning. </p><p>Now, it’s not uncommon for Minseok to have visitors despite the late hours. Usually, it’s Yixing or Junmyeon who visit him, either together or separately, and when they do it means that they’re about to reach their breaking point.</p><p>Junmyeon had always said that Minseok has this “Zen-like” aura around him that helps him calm down. Minseok honestly thinks that he’s just good at hiding his zero chill crisis, or that he’s past the point to care about his impending doom, so he’s resigned himself to accept everything coming his way.</p><p>So when he hears the frantic knocks on his door, he expects to find Junmyeon tearing the hair out of his head asking for some last-minute reviewers because he couldn’t find his own. </p><p>Finding Baekhyun on his doorstep is not what he expected. </p><p>Baekhyun didn’t go to the same university as him and Jongdae since he decided to pursue Performing Arts in a different school that's about two hours away from them. He wonders why Baekhyun would take the time to visit him, he knows Baekhyun is busy this week with his exams as well. So whatever the reason Baekhyun his friend must have must be pretty dire for him to come running at this time of the night. </p><p>“Baekhyun? What are you doing here?” </p><p>It takes one sniff for Minseok to realize that his friend <em> reeks </em>of alcohol, but the reason why remains a mystery for him. </p><p>"H-hello <em> hyung," </em>Baekhyun slurs as he sways from side to side. </p><p>Minseok decides that the interrogation can happen later so hauls Baekhyun’s drunk ass from his front door, away from prying eyes. </p><p>Minseok’s thankful that his dorm room has enough room to squeeze in a small couch. He’d really rather not put his friend in his bed’s pristine bed if he can’t help it. What if Baekhyun suddenly vomits? </p><p>“Hyung,” Baekhyun whispers softly.</p><p>“Huh?” Minseok blinks, confused. </p><p>“It’s about Jongdae…” Baekhyun vaguely answers. </p><p>Minseok scratches his head, wondering what’s wrong with his friend and how Jongdae is involved in any of it, Baekhyun shouldn’t really be left alone with alcohol unsupervised.</p><p>He hopes that playing along would do the trick, “What’s wrong with Jongdae?” Minseok replies as he stands up to get his friend a glass of water. </p><p>“Isn’t he absolutely gorgeous?” He asks dreamily.<br/><br/>“I guess he is,” Minseok answers confusedly, still not sure where the conversation is going. He puts the glass of water on the coffee table as he sits beside his friend. </p><p>For some reason, he feels the hair on the back of his neck rise, not quite liking where things are going.</p><p>“And do you think I have a chance with him?” Baekhyun faintly whispers, running a nervous hand through his hair.</p><p>“What is about Baekhyun?” He looks at his not-so-sober friend, trying to look for more answers about the things that he’s hinting, trying to calm his racing heart from all the assumptions he’s making.  </p><p>Except that instead of answering, Baekhyun <em> sobs</em>, completely surprising Minseok yet again. He’d completely forgotten that a drunk Baekhyun is an emotional Baekhyun. </p><p>"Hyung--" Baekhyun hiccups, blinking at Minseok through his tears, "What should I do? I think- I think I've <em> fallen </em> for Jongdae."</p><p>That night, Minseok learned everything about Baekhyun’s feelings for Jongdae, and how the boy had been in love with their friend for years. All throughout, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he could relate to every single thing that Baekhyun had said, but he's completely frozen at the thought that sharing his own feelings will cause a rift in their friendship. </p><p>He felt at war with himself, was it worth it to tell Baekhyun anything? Is his feelings more important than their decade old friendship? Will Baekhyun hate him for this? </p><p>One question after another, with no answer in sight. </p><p>There was nothing that Minseok could do then, so he hugs Baekhyun to his side, letting his friend cry into his shoulder while Minseok rubs his back in soothing motions, with all his thoughts swirling in his mind. </p><p>On the morning after, Baekhyun engulfs him in a warm embrace, thanking him for lending a shoulder to cry on. </p><p>“You know Baekhyun,” Minseok says before he completely lets go of his friend, “I don’t see why Jongdae wouldn’t give you a chance.” </p><p>“You really think so?” Baaekhyun asked, a hopeful tone in his voice.</p><p>“There’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?”</p><p>As he finds himself encouraging Baekhyun to pursue his feelings, that's how he realized that he finally got his answer. </p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>It’s like the floodgates have opened after Baekhyun’s drunken confession.</p><p>Now that Baekhyun had been honest about his feelings, at least to Minseok, he realized just how his friend is obvious with his feelings if you know where to look. Talking to Baekhyun had been a little awkward at first, Minseok didn’t know how to process the fact that his other best friend likes the same boy as him.</p><p>It still feels a bit surreal, but as he sees the delicate blush on Baekhyun’s cheeks, his little shy smile that wasn’t there before, and the slightly hushed tone that he uses when Jongdae gets a little close to him, it’s clear that Baekhyun has got it bad.</p><p>Not that Minseok blames him. </p><p>He tries to be the supportive best friend he’d always been, but sometimes, he couldn’t help the tugging sense of unease in his gut when Baekhyun tells him how Jongdae held his hand sometimes, and how he feels maybe, just maybe, Jongdae feels the same way.  </p><p>Minseok cherishes Baekhyun like a little brother, and his heart hurts whenever he thinks about the night how he cried himself to sleep on Minseok’s chest, thinking that he wouldn't be enough for Jongdae. </p><p>He commits Baekhyun’s crying face to his memory and puts his own feelings on the back burner. He won’t let his best friend cry like that anymore, not at his expense. </p><p>Weeks pass and Minseok continues to go on like normal, being a drained student and trying to schedule a good time for the three of them to meet in a couple of weeks. While it’s easier for Jongdae and Minseok to meet since they both attend the same school - Jongdae taking a Business Management course since he wanted to continue taking care of the flower shop when his parents get older - having a schedule makes it easier to plan ahead. </p><p>No one can really predict what the three of them would do whenever they plan to meet up, sometimes Baekhyun and Jongdae indulges Minseok’s annoying fondness for sports or anything remotely related to exercising, so it can range from going to the gym or wall-climbing (Baekhyun cursed him for that one). </p><p>Sometimes, Jongdae would invite everyone in their house so he could cook dinner for the three of them. It’s probably his and Baekhyun’s favorite thing to do, and during those dinners, Minseok and Baekhyun would trade conspiratorial winks and tease Jongdae how he put too much salt in it. Jongdae would always threaten that he won’t give them Mrs. Kim’s famous cookies and that always works. </p><p>One night, when Jongdae made Baekhyun’s favorite for dinner, the boy almost swooned on his seat, and all night, he was showering Jongdae with compliments. Jongdae would then fondly smile at Baekhyun as he drinks beer with Minseok.</p><p>The more the three of them spent their time together, the more it became obvious how Baekhyun began to embrace his feelings for Jongdae. </p><p>Baekhyun liked Jongdae, very much so. It’s not the same type of like he had when they were in high school where Baekhyun would overly-flirt and shower them with his flirty smiles and jokes. </p><p>When it comes to Jongdae, there’s something in his eyes that is bright with affection and fondness. It seems that there is an unhurried and meticulous approach with the way Baekhyun is doing things, he’s really taking things at a slow pace so he can work around his feelings without overwhelming their friend.</p><p>Minseok could see Baekhyun’s focus whenever Jongdae tells a story, even if it’s just another plant that he took in, or another new hobby that he wanted to pursue, absorbing each and every fact like a treasure. If Minseok is being honest, he’d admit that he admires the way Baekhyun cultivated his feelings for Jongdae, it wasn’t the teenager Baekhyun that he once knew, and it’s like seeing his best friend transform into another person - an amazing one.</p><p>Minseok didn’t have the same type of control. </p><p>When Minseok first accepted his feelings for Jongdae - all he wanted to do was to <em>be with him</em>, he always wanted to touch him, and be closer to him in every way that he could think of. Minseok had always liked Jongdae in all aspects - character and personality-wise, but even he gets surprised by the gravity of his feelings. </p><p>Minseok always wanted to make Jongdae laugh, and he wanted to always know what his friend is up to. It always bothers him when Jongdae goes radio silent because he’s busy with school and their flower shop. He’s a lot different from Baekhyun when it comes to falling in love with Jongdae, while the former is slow, determined, and secure, for Minseok, <em> it just happened </em> while he wasn’t paying attention - it’s quick, powerful, and its magnitude can be <em>so, so </em>overwhelming. </p><p>Sometimes, Minseok thinks Baekhyun suspects something, especially when he notices Baekhyun staring at him when he’s mooning at Jongdae for too long. There’s always something in Baekhyun’s inquisitive eyes during those moments that make Minseok nervous. </p><p>But they never talked about it, it’s not like Minseok would do anything about his feelings anyway. He knows how his friend feels about Jongdae, and if there’s anyone else that Minseok could trust to love Jongdae wholeheartedly, it’s Baekhyun. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok knows that one day, the dynamics between the three of them will soon change when Baekhyun finally makes his move. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, and he knows he should be ready. </p><p>And even then, it still caught him off guard. </p><p>Minseok is sitting inside the coffee shop, waiting for Jongdae to come on their weekly study session, it’s a tradition that Jongdae had come up with after he witnessed Minseok breaking down for the nth time last semester. </p><p>Jongdae insisted that Minseok needs sunlight every once in a while when he studies, so he suggested that they go to coffee shops to have their study sessions and get some fresh air. </p><p>Five minutes before their meeting time, Minseok receives a call from Baekhyun. </p><p>“<em>Hi hyung,</em>” Baekhyun greets over the phone.</p><p>“What’s up Baek?” Minseok greets back as he looks at his watch, 4 minutes before their meeting time. Minseok wonders if Jongdae got caught up with something, he usually goes early since he wants to find a good spot, and this is the first time that Minseok arrived earlier than his friend.</p><p>
  <em> “Listen about tonight..”  </em>
</p><p>“Shit,” Minseok swears, he opens the calendar in his laptop, trying to check the date. “Are the three of us supposed to meet tonight? I kinda lost track of the date.” He berates himself for being forgetful, maybe that’s why Jongdae didn’t show up.</p><p>
  <em> “No- hyung, um, actually-”  </em>
</p><p>There is something about Baekhyun’s tone that makes Minseok pause, it’s not a tone he usually hears from his friend. He frowns at the thought of whatever is bothering him.</p><p>“Baekhyun, what is it?”</p><p>
  <em> “Hyung, I was wondering if you can cover for me. Well you see, I was asking Jongdae if he wanted to hang out tonight, hopefully alone, but before I even managed to finish, he immediately asked if you were coming, I kind of panicked and said yes, even if I actually intended it to be a date. So I was wondering if-” </em>
</p><p>“If I can make myself scarce for tonight,” Minseok finishes for him. He should’ve seen it coming, really, and yet he can’t explain the sudden tightness he feels in his chest. </p><p>He hears Baekhyun wince over the phone. </p><p>
  <em> “Fuck. Hyung, I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to offend you like that.” </em>
</p><p>“Hey,” Minseok softly calls out, “What are you sorry for?”</p><p>
  <em> “Well-”  </em>
</p><p>His friend sounded so miserable, and Minseok interrupts before his friend bursts into tears. </p><p>“Baekhyun, hey, listen to me,“ Minseok says firmly, trying to catch Baekhyun’s attention before he starts crying. “You've liked him since forever right?" Minseok asks. </p><p>
  <em> "I- I do." </em>
</p><p>"Then go after him then."</p><p>He hears Baekhyun’s shaky exhale.</p><p>
  <em> “Hyung, thank you so much.” </em>
</p><p>"It’s fine, I was just about to cancel actually, I’m not feeling very well anyway,” Minseok lies. He forces himself to put on enough emotions for him to sound cheerful, anything less, and Baekhyun will know he's lying. Growing up with someone since you were children tends to do that. </p><p>
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</p><p>Twenty minutes after that conversation, he receives another call from Jongdae. </p><p>
  <em> “Hyung, where are you? Baekkie and I just arrived at the cinemas! Come here already!” </em>
</p><p>“Sorry Dae,” Minseok apologizes, he pushes through with the same excuse he told Baekhyun and hopes it’ll work in his favor. “I’m gonna pass tonight, I’m not feeling very well.”</p><p>
  <em> “What? Do you want me and Baekhyun to drop by your dorm instead and keep you company? We can watch the movie at another time.” </em>
</p><p>It’s the complete opposite of what he and Baekhyun intended to do, and yet he can’t help his stomach from fluttering at Jongdae’s obvious concern, he really has a golden heart. </p><p>“There’s no need,” Minseok smoothly counters, “It’s nothing a small nap can’t cure. You and Baek enjoy yourselves okay?” </p><p>As he listens to Jongdae’s concerned ramblings, an overwhelming feeling of longing surges in his chest and a small evil voice at the back of his head keeps goading him to just accept Jongdae’s offer. But he shakes it off, he promises himself that he’ll give way to Baekhyun, entertaining these thoughts will do more harm than good.</p><p>Minseok feels something tickle at the back of his throat as he continues to lie to Jongdae, and he clears his throat to chase the sensation away.</p><p>"Stop worrying too much, I'll be fine." He assures his best friend. </p><p>He ends the call right after and puts his head against the table, he takes a deep breath, trying to stop his body shaking all over.</p><p>He reminds himself that he should’ve been ready for this, he should’ve ready the moment he said that he’ll help Baekhyun.</p><p>He isn’t.</p><p>He doesn’t know how much time has passed as he stared outside the window, motionless. He only makes himself move when he notices that the staff has started to clean up.</p><p>As he packs his bags, he notices a few yellow petals on his table. A seemingly innocent yellow petal that looked so bright against the dark Mirkwood table where Minseok decided to study for the night. He quickly dismisses it when he fears a faint rumble of thunder, indicating that it might rain soon.</p><p>On the way back to his dorm room, he keeps on wondering where the petals came from, there weren’t any flowers in the cafe.</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>It took a few weeks before Baekhyun told Minseok that he finally got the guts to confess to Jongdae, but it took a while longer for Jongdae to accept his feelings, and when he eventually did, he requested to take things slow.</p><p>After the initial hiccup, he thought that his two best friends would spend all of their free time together now, that’s how it usually goes when the relationship stage is still at its infancy. </p><p>It still felt relatively normal, Jongdae still drags Baekhyun to Minseok's dorm room, and he’d still insist his hyung to join him in their flower shop when he has the time. </p><p>He tries to make himself scarce when he notices that Baekhyun wants to get Jongdae's undivided attention, watching the best friend you're in love with gaze adoringly at your other best friend isn’t really how Minseok wanted to spend his afternoon. But Jongdae wouldn’t stand for it, and always insists that Minseok stays. </p><p>Months pass, and it feels like Minseok is at war with himself. </p><p>He tries to be happy for them, there’s nothing like seeing Jongdae’s smile when he is around Baekhyun and it always manages to lift Minseok’s mood up. He really wishes the best for his two best friends. </p><p>Sure, it sucks that his best friends sometimes forget that he is in the room with them. During movie nights, he catches them paying more attention to each other than the film they're watching and it leaves a sour feeling in his mouth. </p><p>But it’s a discomfort that he’s willing to feel if it means getting to be with Jongdae.</p><p>The only time Minseok felt truly crumbling was when Jongdae suddenly showed up in his dorm room with muffins, confiding in him about his growing feelings for Baekhyun. </p><p>Minseok briefly considered if he should stop accepting visitors, since all they do is break his heart. </p><p>
  <em> “Hyung, I think I’m beginning to really like Baekhyun,” Jongdae confesses one night. “Is it okay with you?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Why would it not be okay? Jongdae, your happiness is what matters.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I just- I don't know really, I just don't want you to feel like you're going to be left behind now that Baek and I are dating.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You don’t have to worry about me. As long as both of you are happy.”  </em>
</p><p>He had to stop himself from walking out of his room and going to the nearest greasy-looking pub in their area. </p><p>Things didn’t fare any better after that. On a particularly bad day, he’d absently drink an entire bottle of cheap whiskey by himself and not feel a thing.</p><p>Minseok thought that it’s just a matter of time before he gets used to seeing the two of them date, and any feelings of neglect and jealousy will soon pass. </p><p>It doesn't. </p><p>
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</p><p>They were supposed to watch Doctor Who that night. </p><p>Jongdae texted him a few weeks back saying that he missed his best friend and he wanted a night that's just the two of them together. </p><p>Minseok could never say no to Jongdae, so he agreed. He's been pretty excited ever since they set the date. </p><p>Two of his favorite things in one night. </p><p>Minseok has been used to the fact that the Doctor Who thing will always be just a <em> MinseokandJongdae </em>thing since it was something that they bonded over even before Baekhyun became their friend. </p><p>One time, Baekhyun fell asleep on the first hour of their marathon when they tried to introduce the show to him and ever since, Baekhyun always said he’ll just hang out with his other friends while they’re watching their 'alien' show. </p><p>People do tend to change a lot when they get a significant other though.</p><p>On Friday night, Minseok opens the door with Jongdae and Baekhyun together. He frowns at the way they’re holding hands, and he feels his jaw clench when he notices their ruffled hair and flushed cheeks. </p><p>Jongdae shuffles his feet and scratches his head, “Sorry hyung, I know it’s supposed to be just the two of us tonight, but Baekhyun insisted that he wanted to give it another chance.” </p><p>Baekhyun smiles at him, “Maybe your doctor and his phone booth will finally charm me then!”</p><p>Minseok doubts he will, and for a split second, he wants to chase Baekhyun away. He has stolen Jongdae far more than he thought he would, and he didn’t want him to steal one of the last few things that he shares with Jongdae alone. </p><p>He chastises himself for thinking such cruel things and lets them in, ignoring the dull and painful feeling tugging in his stomach as Baekhyun kisses Jongdae’s cheek when they sit on Minseok’s couch. </p><p>The two of them sit on the couch while Minseok is left to sit on the recliner seat. He shouldn’t feel so left out when he is inside his own home.</p><p>
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</p><p>The Doctor Who marathon was more disastrous than he imagined. Baekhyun got bored the moment they hit the one hour mark. By this time, he should’ve fallen asleep already, except that he decides to ask Jongdae to entertain him. </p><p>Minseok used to ignore them both when they steal kisses from each other when they thought he wasn't looking. <em> He always is, </em>but he tries not to dwell too much on how alarming that was.</p><p>“Baby,” Jongdae soft chastises his boyfriend, “Stop being shameless, you promised that you wanted to watch so I brought you here today.”</p><p>“But I’m bored,” Baekhyun complains.</p><p>“Then pay attention!”</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, Minseok notices that Baekhyun crowds Jongdae on the couch, “Why don’t you make me, hmmm?” </p><p>Minseok subtly turns up the volume to ignore them both, but his control finally snaps when he hears Jongdae's muffled moan.</p><p>He slams the remote so loudly that it startles the two boys. </p><p>He stands up from the couch and opens the light in the living room, he may not like what he may possibly see, but hearing them both in the dark is even worse. </p><p>The two of them bow their head in shame as they fix their clothes. “Hyung, we’re so-”</p><p>“I think I’m too sleepy to continue watching, both of you should just go home early tonight,” Minseok cuts them off. </p><p>The icy tone in his voice should be enough to let them know that there isn’t any room for argument, and he hopes that they don’t notice how he’s shaking in anger. At this point, Minseok doesn’t even understand himself, he never let himself be overwhelmed with feelings like this before.</p><p>Jongdae tries to catch his eye as he pulls Baekhyun to his feet, but he keeps staring straight ahead, “Hyung-” he tries again. </p><p>“You two know the way out right?” He asks. </p><p>He sees Baekhyun stop Jongdae before he tries to speak again.</p><p>“Yes, hyung. We’ll go ahead.” </p><p>He only nods in response. </p><p>He hears their soft footsteps going towards the door, and his knees finally give out the moment the door finally clicks. </p><p>
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</p><p>He couldn’t sleep later that night, replaying all the things he said to his friends. Maybe he was overreacting. There's an irrational part of him that started getting agitated because why can't his friends just leave him alone? He just wants to breathe, but it's like the moment they started dating, the more that the couple wanted to spend time with him. It feels like they're shoving their relationship right at his face. </p><p>Above all the things he felt, the most that he hated is himself, for thinking such awful thoughts about his two best friends. </p><p>He rubs his chest in reflex as he thinks about the couple, it’s a recent habit he picked up whenever he’s feeling upset. He only started doing it when one day, he felt phantom pains bloom in his lungs whenever his feelings were all over the place. </p><p>On a particularly bad day, he experiences difficulty breathing too. </p><p>He should probably get it checked. But he ignores the pain, right now he’s more concerned about how he will be able to have the courage to face the next day.</p><p>He’s usually the person who apologizes first just to put the problem behind them, but Minseok’s too petty to back down on this.  </p><p>Before he finally falls asleep, Minseok wonders when his feelings towards Baekhyun and Jongdae’s relationship shifted into something so scary and uncomfortable.</p><p>
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</p><p>The yellow petals started appearing near his pillowcase, but Minseok never paid it too much attention. He’s too focused on distracting himself from the ugly and uncomfortable feeling that seemed to take up residence in his chest. </p><p>It feels like it’s never going away.</p><p>When Minseok observes how Baekhyun and Jongdae laugh in their own world without abandon, he gets the ugliest ideas. </p><p>He starts wondering if Jongdae had laughed a little less when it was just the two of them, and he single-handedly comes up to that conclusion himself.</p><p>He hated it, how the whispers in his head have begun telling him that he isn't as funny as Baekhyun, he doesn’t laugh as prettily as Baekhyun, he isn't as lively as Baekhyun. </p><p>He’s always...a little less.</p><p>That's probably why even if he tried, Jongdae would never look at him the way he does with Baekhyun.  </p><p>Minseok continues to go on walks and have mind-numbing whiskey drinks, wondering how things suddenly got out of his control. </p><p>He thinks about how realizing your feelings for someone is like being in a rollercoaster of emotions. At first, there is an absolute euphoria swirling in him at the thought of loving them and giving all that they wanted. </p><p>It was a happy and addicting feeling, and for a while, Minseok is giddy and gleeful. But once the happy feelings have passed there is also anguish brought about by all the what-ifs and insecurities lying underneath the surface.</p><p>
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  <em> Year 2011</em>
</p><p>Minseok finally graduates and decides to apply for his Master’s in the same university. He finds teaching fascinating - having the opportunity to hone young minds in a way that his professors never had when he was still a struggling student, with nothing but sheer determination despite zero inspiration to learn.</p><p>The road to self-discovery never stops, and it was then that Minseok learned that college was the easy part, and trying to find a purpose after graduation is one of the hardest things he experienced. </p><p>As he moves towards the next chapter of his life, he realizes that the future seems more uncertain without the constructs of the academe hanging over his head. </p><p>So many things in Minseok’s life had changed, and yet one thing that never went away is his feelings for Jongdae. </p><p>Forgetting about his feelings would be a lot easier if his dynamic didn’t change between the two. He's finally gotten the hang of genuinely enjoying Baekhyun and Jongdae’s company again after being subjected to their endless affectionate smiles and flirty remarks. </p><p>But it’s like the universe doesn’t want to make things easier for him.</p><p>During the summer after Minseok’s graduation, Baekhyun suddenly announced that he’ll be out of town for an acting boot camp in Japan and will be back in two months.</p><p>And then he finds himself back in Mrs. Kim’s flower shop like he’s in high school all over again. When Mrs. Kim learned from Jongdae that Minseok will be taking a bit of a break for a bit before his Masters officially starts and tackling any major life responsibilities, she invited Minseok back to her flower shop so he has something to do to pass the time.</p><p><em> “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”, </em> she warned him. <em> “My little Jongdae is also too busy with school and Baekhyunnie lately, I feel lonely and tired.” </em>Mrs. Kim further adds as she pinches Jongdae’s cheeks. </p><p>Said son denies everything his mom had said and faces him, flashing that sweet, innocent, boyish smile that Minseok couldn’t say no to. <em> “Please hyung, just like old times?”  </em></p><p>And really, what else is Minseok supposed to do?</p><p>So that’s how the first months of Minseok’s soul searching went, every morning Jongdae’s beautiful yet sleepy smile greets him as he comes inside the shop. </p><p>He’s mainly in charge of sitting behind the counter to greet customers, <em> “Your adorable face will bring in new customers Minseok”, </em>and doing easy flower arrangements requested right on the spot. Meanwhile, Mrs. Kim and Jongdae work from the back-end and handle the elaborate flower arrangements, deliveries, and online orders. </p><p>On the days when Mrs.Kim is busy handling bulk orders for an event, Minseok will accompany Jongdae to meet their flower suppliers who deliver their fresh flowers every morning.</p><p>If it was a slow day, Mrs. Kim would leave them to their devices, and Jongdae would migrate from the back and would chat with Minseok until the afternoon passed. </p><p>Jongdae always walked Minseok home back to his new apartment that’s only a few blocks away from the flower shop. They’d hang out at his place three times a week where either one of them would cook (usually Jongdae) or they’d order takeaway with beer. Sometimes, Minseok couldn’t help but be just a bit more affectionate and will lean his head longer on Jongdae’s shoulder when they’ve had too many beers. </p><p>They’d watch whatever is on the television, sometimes Jongdae would spend the night after the both of them unintentionally fell asleep huddled together on the couch (It’s Minseok’s favorite part of the week). </p><p>It’s on those days that Minseok finds his mind fleeting far, far away from reality, where he’d let himself believe that this is how things would go if he and Jongdae were together, and if there isn’t Baekhyun in the picture. </p><p>He quickly shakes the thought off as soon as it comes, but the fact that he even entertained the thought makes him feel like he’s the worst person on Earth. </p><p>On nights when shaking his thoughts off isn’t working well, he drowns his wishful thinking by remembering that it wasn’t his hand that Jongdae was holding whenever the three of them are on a night out, it wasn’t him that would be whisked away for a romantic weekend during Valentine’s Day, or he’ll never be the recipient of the most gorgeous bouquet of whatever flower his best friend had carefully tended for weeks.</p><p>Minseok reminds himself that it would never be him, no matter how hard Jongdae squeezed his hand when they watch horror movies together, or even if Jongdae holds him on the nights where they’d fall asleep against each other on the couch.</p><p>He’d only stop when his chest hurts a little too much. </p><p>Aside from his feelings from Jongdae, another thing that never went away are the chest pains, it’s not painful enough that warrants a hospital visit, but its presence is impactful enough that it causes Minseok to pause and place a soothing hand on his chest. </p><p>When Baekhyun finally returned from his trip and immediately whisked Jongdae away for the weekend, the pain got so bad that he woke up in cold sweat, almost out of breath.</p><p>It's an exhausting cycle, waking up from a nightmare and living into another one. </p><p>
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  <em> Year 2015</em>
</p><p>The two of them got matching rings. </p><p>“Congratulations,” Minseok says, and then Baekhyun and Jongdae hugged him so tightly it felt like there was no more air left in his lungs. </p><p>“So, do you have any plans yet for the big day?” Minseok further asks.</p><p>Baekhyun and Jongdae glance at each other, still wearing matching grins on their faces, “Sometime around July hopefully, I’m imagining a beach wedding but I’m not sure if Mrs. Kim would support that,” Baekhyun answers. “Oh hyung, by the way-”</p><p>“-we’d like you to be our best man,” Jongdae finishes for him. </p><p>After hearing those words, it felt like something was squeezing Minseok’s heart. He wishes he had the ability to rip his heart out of his chest so that the pain can finally stop.</p><p>“To be honest, I’d be offended if you didn’t ask me,” Minseok answers playfully, he hopes his smile doesn’t fall flat. </p><p>Junmyeon and Yixing raise their beers as a toast to the happy couple and congratulate them. Minseok is glad that the two of them had become friends with Baekhyun and Jongdae too, he probably wouldn't have survived the night alone then. </p><p>“Hyung, your speech better make me cry,” Baekhyun said as he claps Minseok on the shoulder.<br/><br/>Minseok grins, “I’ll see what I can do.”</p><p>For the remainder of the night, Minseok sat there and listened to them telling all the details of their trip in Japan, how both of them simultaneously got down on their knees under the cherry blossoms. It was a night filled with unbridled joy and excitement, holding hands and frequent kisses. </p><p>Somewhere around their conversation, Baekhyun joked about how Minseok should bring a plus-one on their special day.</p><p>
  <em> “But seriously, hyung, I haven’t seen you date in forever!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “His face is too pretty to even consider mere mortals as his plus-one.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Wrong- hyung is too much of a hopeless romantic to consider bringing a random stranger.” </em>
</p><p>Minseok doesn’t recall what he said in response to that. All he remembers is that he had to smile through all of it, hurting himself from the effort of not letting his face crumple. </p><p>By the time the clock struck at midnight, Minseok stood up from his seat to bid them goodbye when he couldn’t take the chest pains any longer. </p><p>He promises that he’ll get the last round of drinks as compensation for leaving early and Junmyeon volunteers to help him get the drinks. </p><p>As they’re waiting for their drinks at the bar, Junmyeon suddenly speaks up, “You think I wouldn’t notice?” </p><p>Minseok glances at his friend, “I’m sorry?”</p><p>“Earlier tonight, when they kept joking about your non-existent love life,” Junmyeon clarifies, “They were so happy in their own little bubble that they didn’t even notice how your lips would quiver in sadness every time their rings hit the light.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>He looks away from Junmyeon, trying not to panic. Perhaps he wasn't as subtle as he thought. </p><p>“Hey- I’m sorry," Junmyeon says, "I probably shouldn’t have pried into something that’s not my business. It’s just- your sadness back there was so palpable that I wanted to chug my beer every time your face looked like it'll shatter.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, it’s nothing I can’t handle.” </p><p>“Are you ever planning on telling them?” Junmyeon asks.</p><p>Minseok shrugs, “It’s not like it matters now anyway.”</p><p>On their way back to the table with their drinks, Junmyeon softly whispers, "You deserve better."</p><p>He tries for a smile, hopefully forcing himself enough to be convincing. </p><p>He stupidly thought that he’d be numb at this point. He was dumb enough to think that he could bear it, that he’d be happy for them, that he wouldn’t feel any regret when he decided to let Jongdae go.</p><p>He felt like a monster, being jealous of the happiness that he will never ever have. </p><p>After finishing his drink, Minseok finally fled from his friend, telling them about his prior engagements the next morning. </p><p>It's only half a lie, he really planned to go to the hospital tomorrow. The chest pains are no longer bearable for him anymore, it's gotten so severe to the point where he feels almost out of breath for even the smallest things, and alarm bells are ringing in his head. </p><p>Even during their celebration earlier, Minseok tried to contain the coughing fit that's threatening to crawl out of his chest, but he fights it off, feeling slightly alarmed. It wasn't this bad before, is he coming down with something?</p><p>It's like there are vines intertwining his lungs and it feels like it's <em> suffocating </em> him <em> .  </em></p><p>
  <em> What's happening to him?  </em>
</p><p>That night, Minseok’s dreams consisted of blood-smeared petals and one of his treasured memories. </p><p>
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  <em> (Flashback)  </em>
</p><p>Minseok and Jongdae are hanging out inside Minseok's apartment when Jongdae suddenly asks, "You sure you don't want to go to Baekhyun’s event tomorrow?"</p><p>Minseok only shrugs in response, "Nah, it's not really my thing you know?"</p><p>Jongdae sighs and leans his head against Minseok’s shoulder.</p><p>“We just want you to be happy hyung,” he softly whines. </p><p>Minseok chuckles, "I'm fine, Dae.”</p><p>It's another day of Baekhyun and Jongdae convincing him to attend parties for the sake of finding a match for him. Minseok wonders why his friends seemed so obsessed with his dating history, and it's gotten to the point where they're treating every event like it's an opportunity for Minseok to meet someone. </p><p>He's perfectly fine, he doesn't need a relationship to be happy. He'll eventually get there on his own again. </p><p>He wasn't even involved in the actual event, it's just Baekhyun inviting Jongdae to a mixer that his dance club organized for their single members. Jongdae is still very much taken by Baekhyun, but the latter wanted to introduce his uni friends. Then Baekhyun had the bright idea of hitting two birds in one stone and invited Minseok as well to get rid of his 'dry spell'.</p><p>“Couldn't you consider at least?” Jongdae asks. </p><p>There was a soft pause, and before Minseok could answer, Jongdae made a noise of delight. </p><p>“Hyung, how about this, if I show you how potentially romantic it could turn out to be, will you consider going?”</p><p>Minseok lifts an eyebrow, “And how are you going to make it happen?”</p><p>“I can pretend to be the imaginary dashing stranger that you can dance with! By the time we’re done dancing, you’ll realize what you'll be missing out on!” </p><p>Minseok loses the warmth beside his body as Jongdae suddenly stands up. </p><p>“Dance with me?” Jongdae asks, turning suddenly and offering Minseok his hand. "Come on hyung, Baekhyun told me they're going to put a lot of those old jazz songs that I know you secretly like!" </p><p>Minseok stares at it for a moment, "Old jazz songs?” </p><p>“I'll even sing for you tonight hyung.” Jongdae enthusiastically replies.</p><p>There it was, Minseok’s Achilles heel. How could he ever say no to that golden voice?</p><p>He tries to play nonchalant and shrugs in response. </p><p>“Sure, why not?” he says, taking the offered hand, letting Jongdae pull him up.</p><p>Jongdae manhandles him as he puts Minseok’s left arm on his shoulder, then Jongdae places Minseok's right hand on his hips and pulls him closer to his body.  </p><p>They're so close now, and Minseok tries not to tremble. </p><p>“You’re leading?”</p><p>“Duh, I’m taller.”</p><p>“Your torso is only just a bit longer than mine,” Minseok scoffs. “ That’s not something to be really proud of.”<br/><br/>“It’s all the advantage I need,” Jongdae answers smugly.</p><p>The bickering helps distract Minseok from shivering at Jongdae’s touch, feeling the latter put his hands on his lower back, their bodies only a breath away from each other. </p><p>Silence envelopes them both as they stare at each other wordlessly, “This okay hyung?” he feels Jongdae whisper across his cheeks. </p><p>There’s a beat of silence between them, and Minseok feels entranced as he notices how the dim lights in the living room illuminate Jongdae’s sharp features. The light illuminates his sparkling eyes and sculpted cheekbones. He realizes that Jongdae’s eyelashes are so mesmerizing up close, his gut is churning for some reason, it’s an unfamiliar feeling that he still can’t put a name to yet. Tonight, he finds himself <em> wanting </em>for something he’d never thought about before. </p><p>He flickers his gaze upwards and meets amber eyes meeting his brown orbs. He is much too light-headed to take the intensity of the stare, so he breaks it off and leans his head on Jongdae’s shoulder instead, “You know I’m always okay if it’s you Dae,” he breathes softly in the ear near to him. With the darkness surrounding them in the room, he feels as if the intensity of what he just admitted to will be slightly more subdued.</p><p>Jongdae doesn’t respond, but Minseok feels his skin heat a little as Jongdae’s hand lands on his waist, pulling him closer to his body as they start to sway back and forth.</p><p>Soon, Jongdae’s voice begins to fill the room and Minseok closes his eyes.</p><p> </p><p><em> Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm </em> <em><br/></em> <em> And your cheeks so soft </em> <em><br/></em> <em> There is nothing for me but to love you </em> <em><br/></em> <em> And the way you look tonight </em></p><p><em> With each word your tenderness grows </em> <em><br/></em> <em> Tearin' my fear apart </em> <em><br/></em> <em> And that laugh..wrinkles your nose </em> <em><br/></em> <em> Touches my foolish heart </em></p><p> </p><p>Minseok shivers when Jongdae mirrors his position, resting his head on Minseok’s shoulder. At this level, he feels Jongdae’s soft breaths as he continues to sing.</p><p> </p><p><em> Lovely, never, never change </em> <em><br/></em> <em> Keep that breathless charm </em> <em><br/></em> <em> Won't you please arrange it? </em> <em><br/></em> <em> 'Cause I love you </em> <em><br/></em> <em> A-just the way you look tonight </em></p><p> </p><p>Minseok mindlessly hums the tune along with Jongdae’s singing, and he’s never felt his mind, soul, and body, as close to someone as he is with this person holding him. It is in these moments when he lets himself imagine how it feels to be with Jongdae forever. </p><p>The moment feels so surreal and <em> so good </em>. For a moment, Minseok imagines that it’s just the two of them at the dance. Then he imagines a life where he's the only person who liked Jongdae. </p><p>He eventually lifts his head and watches Jongdae's face. He looks so serene and peaceful, a feeling that Minseok has come to associate with his best friend. There's the barest hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth – where Baekhyun’s last kiss would be – and all of a sudden, Minseok feels an overwhelming need to kiss him in the same place, to cover it with his own trace. </p><p>He tries to play off the feeling, putting distance between them. So he asks, “Can I make another song request?”</p><p>Jongdae buries his laughter in Minseok's shoulder as they move into an easy waltz. </p><p>“You’re so fucking greedy hyung.” </p><p> </p><p>Minseok did end up going to the mixer the next night, where he met a beautiful stranger called Sehun, one of Baekhyun's dancer friends. </p><p>He also ended leaning his head on Sehun's broad chest as they sway to the music. Despite the tall man's efforts in charming him, Minseok couldn't take his eyes away from Baekhyun and Jongdae, who's dancing like they're the last two people on earth. </p><p>
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  <em> BREAKING: STUDIES DISCOVER THAT A NEW STRAIN OF HANAHAKI DISEASE MAY EMERGE IN THE NEXT 20 YEARS  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hanahaki Disease: Is dying of heartbreak really the better option? </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Special Valentine Feature: Overcoming unreciprocated feelings before it literally </em> <span class="u"><em> kills </em></span><em>you. </em></p><p> </p><p>As he scans the articles, Minseok briefly feels like he’s in high school all over again, with Luhan telling him about Hanahaki Disease for the first time. </p><p>The only difference is that now, he’s the one living the reality of Mrs. Choi’s life.</p><p>There’s a lot of things he learned that morning after his visit to the hospital, and one of them is that the gossip he heard about the disease is a bit <em> exaggerated. </em></p><p>Sometimes referred to as the "Heart Parasite", the doctor told him that Hanahaki disease is not as rare as people were led to believe. Over the years, there were findings on how some people have grown flowers in their lungs, but it didn’t evolve enough to be fatal to an individual’s wellbeing. It can be as simple as when an individual gets immediately winded after going up a short flight of stairs, or when their throat feels scratchy all of sudden.</p><p>In essence, the flowers can affect a person’s airflow, but they can still live with them for a long time. It's not always as complicated, and often enough, it can be completely undetected. </p><p>What is considered rare though is when a person’s emotional suffering and unrequited feelings are so <em> extreme </em>that it generates a distinct brain signature that can stress the body -  causing the flowers to release harmful toxins in the lungs. </p><p>Minseok doesn't understand why above all people, he'd be the one stuck in such an unfortunate situation. </p><p>Based on what the doctor has seen on Minseok’s laboratory result, the flowers have steadily grown and matured to the point that toxic fumes have swarmed his lungs - causing complications in his respiratory system.</p><p>If left unattended, the flowers would crowd his lungs, and more toxic fumes will be discharged, eventually causing his death - either it be from the fumes itself or another complication. </p><p>The doctor tells him that the most natural cure for Hanahaki is the reciprocation of their loved one, but Minseok only smiled bitterly at that, the memory of matching rings all too fresh in his mind. </p><p>He explains that it’s not an option, so the doctor recommended a more clinical approach, for Minseok to undergo surgery right away so that flowers can be cut off and prevent the toxic fumes from spreading through his body. </p><p>There are two options that he can choose from, the first option is cutting the flowers from its stems, while the second option is plucking out the flowers right from its root.</p><p>The doctor insists that the second option is the safest, long-term option that all patients should choose. By plucking from the base, the roots are removed from veins that trigger the toxic fumes. In addition, the removal of roots eliminates the possibility of flowers growing again. </p><p>The only catch is the possibility of losing their memories related to the people they love.</p><p>Minseok thinks that it's like playing Russian Roulette, a game of luck, either you win or you don't. In this case, either he remembers and still recover, or recover but lose half of himself. </p><p>And it's up to fate to decide whether or not he is better off remembering or forgetting. </p><p>The explanation makes Minseok pause, is this why Mrs. Choi can no longer recall her wedding day after Minseok asked her? Did she also go through the surgery? Did she get the losing end of the deal? </p><p>The side effect is the reason why the first option is offered as an alternative. While the flowers are cut off to prevent them from producing poison in the body, there is a high chance that the flowers will eventually grow back, therefore rendering the whole surgery naught.</p><p>It’s difficult, unstable, and expensive, but it’s a price people are willing to pay to guarantee that they won’t have to suddenly have to let go of the memories and emotions.</p><p>Minseok thinks that the two offered surgeries are a gamble, and the stakes are both high. He isn't sure what type of game he's willing to play yet. </p><p>That’s as far as Minseok is willing to hear before he bids the doctor goodbye. Before he goes, the doctor offers him a calling card so that he can schedule another consultation with another specialist that can help him decide the next best step. </p><p>On his way out, he bumps into another person, almost causing Minseok to lose his balance. </p><p>“Oh what a perfect timing,” the doctor says, “Mr. Kim, I’d like you to meet Dr. Luhan, he’s the specialist that I was telling you about earlier.”</p><p>He glances at the person in front of him and finds himself looking at a familiar pair of eyes that takes him way back to his childhood. </p><p>It really does feel like he’s back in high school all over again, except that in this chapter, he is apparently dying and Luhan is now his doctor. </p><p>
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</p><p>“So? Who is it?” Luhan asks as they sit in front of each other at the cafe.</p><p>Minseok stares outside the window chuckling at the question, “What? You didn’t even check how I’m doing? I’m wounded Lu.” </p><p>“Since we're caught in this strange situation because of you, I think I can deduce the answer for myself.” Luhan huffs, he picks up his cup and starts sipping his iced coffee aggressively.   </p><p>He forces a smile at the tone of sass in his friend's voice. Luhan has always been like that when Minseok begins evading questions. </p><p>He missed his friend dearly. Aside from Baekhyun and Jongdae, Luhan is the only person who managed to see Minseok in his awkward phase in its full glory, and now it looks like he’ll be part of another as he fumbles his way to survival.</p><p>The whole thing feels surreal, he doesn’t really know if he’ll ever come to terms with his new reality. He’s had an inkling about it before, but getting it confirmed by the experts felt like the world crashed down on him. </p><p>In addition, becoming Luhan’s patient isn’t how Minseok imagined his reunion with his old friend would be like. He doesn’t know why the only reason he’s seeing his friend again is caused by such an unfortunate fate.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me or anyone that you’re back?” Minseok asks instead, he picks up his teaspoon and stirs his coffee, just to have something to do. </p><p>“I just got here last week, I haven’t settled in yet completely, busy with work and all. I didn’t have the time to call anyone.”</p><p>“I missed you Lu, it’s been years.” </p><p>“Same to you asshole,” Luhan smiles at him, “I can’t believe that I let you go unsupervised for a few years and now you’re in this mess. I asked Baekhyun and Jongdae to look after you!”</p><p>The mention of the happily engaged couple causes Minseok’s chest to ache, so he drinks his coffee in an attempt to suppress his cough. That was his mistake, hr should’ve remembered that the man in front of him is a specialist.</p><p>“Huh,” there’s a realization in Luhan’s voice and Minseok tries not to panic. No one is meant to know, he doesn’t want to involve anyone else aside from his doctors. He feels fear creep up in his bones as he thinks of what will happen if the two ever find out. </p><p>His heart aches as he thinks about all the people at the other side of Hanahaki. No one should ever live with that kind of guilt, it’s not like it's their fault that they don’t love the other person back. </p><p>He never wants that for Jongdae and Baekhyun. </p><p>Luhan looks like he wants to say something, but he stands up from his seat and sits beside him instead, rubbing his back as he starts coughing out yellow petals. Luhan narrows his eyes as he sees a number of blood-stained petals, but he doesn’t say anything as he continues to soothe Minseok. </p><p>For the remainder of the afternoon, Luhan and Minseok catch up on what they've missed over the past few years. </p><p>Minseok learns that Luhan came because his parents wanted him to oversee how their Seoul branch is faring without their direct supervision. It’ll also be a good opportunity for him to expand his network outside Beijing's doctors.</p><p>In return, Minseok also tells him about everything that's happened over the past few years, he tells him that he’s now working as a part-time lecturer in Seoul University teaching Math. When he's not being a terror to students, he's living as a barista. </p><p>He got himself two jobs so he can save money for his doctorate degree, this time he wants to go someplace else in Asia. </p><p>He feels his lungs constricting, as he tells Luhan about Baekhyun and Jongdae’s upcoming nuptials. His emotions always get a little more intense whenever he thinks about his best friends and the reality he’s put himself in. </p><p>He swallows down his coughs and hopes Luhan doesn’t notice. </p><p>Somewhere around their conversation, Minseok asks, “Luhan, why did you choose to specialize in Hanahaki?”</p><p>Luhan smiles at him softly, “Would it be weird if I say that I don’t want anyone else to suffer like Mrs. Choi did before?” </p><p>Ah. So Luhan also figured out what happened then. </p><p>“I’d like to be a doctor that offers not only cure but also emotional support,” he further adds. “I always think back to the time where Mrs. Choi suddenly felt distant, like there’s no life behind her eyes, and it really haunted me.”</p><p>“She may have survived, but it cost her heart.”</p><p>There’s nothing that Minseok can say to that, so he stands up and asks for another refill of his coffee. After he sits down, that’s when Luhan drops the bomb. </p><p>“Are you ever gonna tell him?” </p><p>The question makes Minseok pause, “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Jongdae of course, also Baekhyun.”</p><p>Minseok almost drops the coffee cup he’s holding as his hands begin to tremble. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“You can’t fool me, Minnie. I’m your doctor, and above all, I’m also your best friend." Luhan takes the cup from his trembling hands and sets it down the table. </p><p>"I've always seen the way you look at Jongdae, and your eyes have never lied."</p><p>
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</p><p>Slowly, Minseok has come to accept the reality he is living in. </p><p>It feels a bit twisted, really, because right now he feels the closest to Jongdae when he coughs up petals. </p><p>His best friend loves flowers, and he can see him pursuing this passion for the rest of his life. It fits his personality, nurturing the creatures with his warm and careful touch. Watching them bloom and thrive under his undivided attention. </p><p>It’s another reason he justifies the thought of refusing the surgery; if he’s going to drown, why not in something that Jongdae utterly cares for? </p><p>Minseok feels that there is something oddly comforting, or maybe even poetic, in dying through something related to Jongdae's lifelong passion. </p><p>Maybe in that way, he can finally feel Jongdae's devotion. </p><p> </p><p>He wonders if Luhan would kill him with his bare hands if he ever learned what Minseok is thinking. </p><p>The Chinese doctor told him that given his medical condition, it’s only a matter of time before things become more fatal and irreversible and that there are multiple complications that can arise if he continues like this. He even insisted Minseok to come back to China with him so he can ensure that he can get the best treatment for his friend. </p><p>
  <em> "Your family doesn't have to know, just tell them you're pursuing your doctorate degree. I'll help you get into the best universities in Beijing."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Just please, make the choice and take care of yourself." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I won't let you die Minseok, not if I can help it." </em>
</p><p>He tries to swallow down the petals trying to escape from his throat, but Minseok can't help but find the irony, falling for the son of a florist while he is dying from Hanahaki disease. </p><p>
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</p><p>He's buried deep in books, working on his lesson plan when there's a sudden knock on his door. </p><p>He isn't expecting anyone, so it's probably Luhan reminding him again to drink another stash of medically approved tea from the hospital. Apparently, it’s supposed to 'cleanse' his lungs and reduce the possibility of infection in the body.</p><p>Luhan reminds him that it isn't a cure, and Minseok is often reminded of that since not once did it help in soothing the pain. It’s not Minseok’s favorite drink so far, especially since it doesn’t taste good at all.  </p><p>"Lu, I'm telling you that tea tastes like ass-" Minseok begins as he opens up his door, except that it's not the doe-eyed doctor he's expecting. </p><p>"Hyung! I missed you!" Jongdae greets him as Minseok opens the door. </p><p>No, the one who visited him instead is Jongdae, who quirks his soft-looking kitten-like lips and flashes him a brilliant smile. It’s paired with bright, kind eyes that crinkle as he beams at him. </p><p>He's never been more beautiful. </p><p>"What brings you here Jongdae?" </p><p>Jongdae heads directly toward his couch as soon as Minseok lets him in. His voice reverberating in the hallway as he answers back, "What, do I need an excuse now to see my best friend?" </p><p>Minseok follows the voice inside his living room and sits beside Jongdae. It feels like it's been ages since Jongdae had visited him on his own accord. </p><p>"Aren't you supposed to be busy with wedding preparations and all?" Minseok answers back with another question. </p><p>Said question gets ignored as Jongdae scoots closer after Minseok takes a seat, pressing himself close to Minseok's left side. </p><p>As soon as he is satisfied with their closeness, Jongdae leans his head on Minseok's shoulder, "There, that's better." he murmurs softly. </p><p>The gesture makes Minseok pause, he briefly glances at Jongdae and wonders if there's anything wrong with him, his best friend only does this with him when something is bothering him. </p><p>"It just feels like I haven't seen you in ages is all," Jongdae replies, then he opens Minseok’s television and starts watching whatever movie is on. </p><p>This is the first time Jongdae has acted like this, and he wonders if ordering him his favorite food will help lift his mood, but Jongdae further surprises him he suddenly asks him to drive out with him for the afternoon, a little get together just between the two of them out on the lake they went to in the past.</p><p>Minseok should decline. He is busy with work, and he knows that it's not going to end well for his sake if he ever agrees. Being around Jongdae triggers a lot of his extreme emotions, but he's always had difficulty saying no when it comes to Jongdae. </p><p>“Please, hyung?”</p><p>Minseok didn't need much convincing after that. It's a three-hour drive, but he figures it's the weekend, he hasn't been a friend for Jongdae in so long, and he won't fail Jongdae right when he needs him the most. </p><p>During the whole car ride, Jongdae is quieter than usual. Minseok looks at him carefully but doesn't prod. It's as if there's this fragile vulnerability surrounding him, like he's working out something within himself and Minseok had to refrain from making inappropriate jokes. </p><p>He even asks about Baekhyun, but Jongdae just shakes his head. “He’s a little busy at the moment.” He noticed the slight tremor in Jongdae's whole body, but he didn’t dare ask.</p><p>And here they are, walking towards the lake like they're back in high school. </p><p>It feels like a lifetime ago, a time when life was easier for all of them, a time when Minseok was truly genuinely happy. </p><p>They sit beside each other, just like they used to when Minseok poured his fears and doubts the first time. </p><p>But today isn't about him. </p><p>Today, he'll listen to Jongdae. </p><p>Minseok stares at the waters as he feels the breeze against his skin. He doesn't say a word after they made themselves comfortable on the ground - giving Jongdae room to articulate his thoughts.</p><p>He glances at his friend, and it's like he is immersed in his own world staring blankly at the lake in front of him. So Minseok picks up Jongdae's right hand and squeezes it between his. </p><p>"You know you can always tell me anything right?" Minseok assures him. </p><p>“Hyung-" Jongdae starts, "You know you're my best friend right? You're probably the most precious I’ve ever had.”</p><p>There's something in Jongdae's tone that Minseok couldn't help but catch. He wonders what's bothering him. </p><p>"Jongdae, what's wrong?" Minseok gently coaxes. </p><p>"Hyung, do you- do you think I’m making the right decision?" Jongdae says at last. "Marrying Baekhyun?”</p><p>Jongdae looks at him, and that's when Minseok sees the fear and uncertainty in his friend's eyes. </p><p>Minseok wonders how long Jongdae had felt like this. He's always been sure of the decisions he made in his life, and it's worrying to see that he's doubting himself. Minseok can't blame him though, no matter how sure a person is, sometimes you can't help but tremble when the little doubting voice in their head begins to whisper. And in this case, Minseok has to make sure that his support and reassurance are louder than Jongdae's doubts. No matter how much it hurts, he will continue to smile and support him. </p><p>“Jongdae,” he says slowly, carefully. “I'm not sure exactly what is it that you’re asking from me, but I think-" Minseok pauses for a bit, trying to articulate his thoughts properly, trying to ignore the selfish thoughts and agony that’s blooming inside his head. </p><p>Instead, he answers him as truthfully as he can.</p><p>"I think that you and Baekhyun are the best thing that could ever happen to each other. I know for a fact that Baekhyun is loyal, and that he'll give you the world if you asked him to." Minseok feels a scratch in his throat, but he swallows it down and continues. "I've seen how you two have grown together and it's- it's the most beautiful thing. Baekhyun loves you, and I know you do too. Letting him go will be the stupidest thing you'll ever do.”</p><p>“Do you really think so?”</p><p>Minseok chuckles, “Yes, that’s really what I think. Why would I lie to you?” He squeezes his best friend's hand and smiles. “It’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine, Jongdae. Both of you will be.”</p><p>Jongdae swallows and nods, visibly calming under his hyung's gaze.</p><p>
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</p><p>They end up back in Seoul at eleven in the evening so Minseok invites Jongdae to stay the night in his apartment, and that's when Minseok almost gets caught. </p><p>Both of them were too tired to even move after such a long drive and he didn't want to send Jongdae off until he's feeling better. Despite Minseok's constant reassurances, Jongdae still looks down, and he doesn't know what else to offer other than his presence. </p><p>Jongdae protests when he tells him to sleep in his bedroom while he takes the couch. But Minseok pulls out the Hyung card and insists it's the best for the both of them, he had to wake up early to finish his lesson plan, and sleeping on the couch will help him wake up earlier since it isn't as comfortable as his bed. </p><p>The next morning, Minseok is already up and preparing their coffee when Jongdae emerges from his room, looking all rumpled and sleepy, his hair in disarray. </p><p>Jongdae sits down and softly greets him a good morning. Minseok hands him a cup and sits down in front of him, greeting him back. But before Jongdae sips coffee, he suddenly asks, "Hyung, are you taking care of flowers now?" </p><p>The question makes Minseok pause, "Huh? What do you mean?" </p><p>"Well, this morning, I found these almost yellow petals by your bedside and I was wondering where it came from." </p><p>Minseok freezes, Jongdae couldn't have found out right? He probably doesn't even remember Mrs. Choi anymore-</p><p>A smile blooms on Jongdae's face and it catches him off guard, "Hyung, you don't need to freak out. I won't judge you or anything if you killed a plant, it's not like it's the first time anyway."</p><p>Minseok heaves a sigh of relief at that, it looks like Jongdae hasn't caught on yet. Then he quickly scrambles his brain to think of a good excuse, "Sorry you had to see that mess," he lies. "I actually bought a flower bouquet a few days ago since a beloved faculty member is retiring. I placed it on my bedside since I had to change my clothes before dinner, some petals might have fallen off." </p><p>Jongdae gasps, putting his cup down, "You bought a bouquet but you didn't get it from me? Hyung, I'm offended!" </p><p>Minseok shrugs and looks at him apologetically, "It was a last-minute thing, I'm sorry Dae." </p><p>"I'm just joking hyung," Jongdae laughs, "But I don't really think your florist knows what they were doing when they created your bouquet."</p><p>"What do you mean?" </p><p>Jongdae pouts as he answers, "It’s just- the flowers didn't really match the occasion you know? It's like they didn't put any thought to it at all!"</p><p>"Oh? Care to expound on that?" </p><p>"Personally, Evening Primrose is the last flower I'd use for someone retiring. One of the most commonly known meanings I've come across with is that it symbolizes inconsistency and infidelity, but I don't really dwell on that," Jongdae adds with a laugh. </p><p>"That sounds rather odd," Minseok observes. </p><p>"I know right?" Jongdae laughs. "So I actually looked for other meanings as well to satisfy my heart, and I found the most beautiful thing."</p><p>"Please do share with the class."</p><p>"It's probably the hopeless romantic in me, but the one that I liked the most about Evening Primrose is that it symbolizes silent love, patience, and lastly, gratefulness." Jongdae gently holds the cup of coffee in his hands, as if in deep thought, "I think people often forget that love isn't always about the great declarations and grand gestures. Sometimes, it's just about the unnoticed generosity that love can offer. The Evening Primrose makes me remember to always be thankful for the devotion it symbolizes."</p><p>Minseok's heart aches at the thought of his love that can never be expressed. </p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok’s condition gets worse as the wedding date comes sooner. </p><p>Sometimes, he coughs up a bundle of petals all smeared with blood, and at night, it feels like breathing has become a chore. On the day that Minseok coughed up a full flower, Luhan finally convinced him to get his treatment in China. </p><p>Three weeks before the wedding, Minseok starts packing his things. No one from his family knows about his condition, his only excuse is that he’s moving to China to pursue his doctorate degree.</p><p>Aside from the traumatic experience of coughing up a flower, his last laboratory results have even shown that the prescribed tea isn't nearly as effective as he thought it would be. The toxic fumes have swarmed so much of his lungs that the infection is spreading faster than the neutralizing effect of the tea.</p><p>But it doesn’t sit well with him to suddenly leave like that, Minseok is still the best man, and before he leaves he hoped to at least give Baekhyun and Jongdae the best wedding experience that they could have. </p><p>So he’d done everything required of him in his capacity to help his best friends out, may it be in picking out the flavor of cake they wanted, down to the table centerpiece in their reception. He’s kind of glad that Mrs. Kim is there to handle all the flower decorations that’s needed in the ceremony. </p><p>Minseok thinks he’s had enough flowers to last him in this lifetime. </p><p>He also asked Luhan to help him with his best man duties. One of the duties of the best man is to arrange a stag party. He knows his best friends like the back of his hand, despite their free-spirited nature,  they were never the type to enjoy grand events. As an alternative, Minseok decides that throwing a party with all of their close friends will do. Instead of the usual stripper that people invite to make the party more interesting, Luhan wickedly suggests to put him as the surprise to throw them off.<br/><br/><em> “Come on Minseok, I’ll even throw in my killer moves. I’ll have you know that I can grind better than some of them!”  </em></p><p>
  <em> “I’m not even going to ask how you sound so sure about that.” </em>
</p><p>The surprise went off without a hitch, except that it threw off Baekhyun so much that he almost punched Luhan in the face.  </p><p>But all in all the party was a success, it ended up with a lot of empty liquor bottles, a few shouts, one (almost) fistfight, a big group hug, nobody mentions the tears and sniffling in between.</p><p>Minseok thinks it’s a win that he only locked himself once in the bathroom to cough up petals. He really was doing well, until he witnessed Baekhyun and Jongdae drunkenly making out and grinding against each other. </p><p>It’s Luhan who comes looking for him 30 minutes after. He’s glad that Luhan convinced him to be the guest of honor. </p><p>
  <em> "You don’t have to do this you know?"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Attending one ceremony won’t kill me, Luhan." </em>
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  <em> “Fine, but I’m hauling your ass back to China the next day after. Don’t even think about getting drunk at the party.” </em>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Minseok shouldn’t have said yes to Baekhyun when he asked him to wear a bowtie for the wedding. </p><p>But just like Jongdae, he never had the heart to say no to his beloved friend. </p><p>
  <em> “Look at its corgi print! It's as cute as you hyung!  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Is that even an acceptable look at weddings?” </em>
</p><p><em> “It’s my wedding anyway, so who the fuck cares. Hyung please! Consider it as your wedding gift to me!” </em> <em><br/></em><br/>Minseok admits that it is a cute bowtie, except that he already feels short of breath even before the ceremony begins. He doesn't know if it's caused by the bowtie that feels like a noose around his neck, or the elongating vines that kept spreading inside his lungs. </p><p>Minseok stood beside Jongdae, watching Baekhyun walk down the aisle with his father. The whole grand entrance isn’t really necessary, but Baekhyun insisted. He wants to flaunt the all white tuxedo that his parents gave him as part of their wedding gift. The couple in question looked magnificent in the slim-fitted tuxedo they’re wearing, except that Jongdae’s in black in contrast to Baekhyun’s white one. </p><p>He witnesses Baekhyun’s ethereal smile as he walks toward his soon to be husband, and he’d never looked more handsome in his entire life. Jongdae is in the same state, except that tears are running down his face. </p><p>Simultaneously, Minseok tries not to choke on the petals that are threatening to leap outside his chest.</p><p>"If there's anyone here that can why these should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace," the priest says halfway through the ceremony.</p><p>Inside his head, Minseok screams, thrashes and destroys everything in his path. He bawls his eyes out, emotion flooding his veins as he finally mourns the love that he never had a fighting chance to begin with. </p><p>He's been wallowing in grief in his head for far, far too long, and with no way to place such intense emotions, it manifested inside in his chest to form the most beautiful flower, and with no other audience to admire its beauty, it seeks to peep out of Minseok’s throat, all for everybody to see, suffocating him in the process. </p><p>It <em> hurts</em>, it hurts so much, and Minseok internally cries in agony. </p><p>On the outside, Minseok stands straight, crinkling his eyes as he forces himself to a smile. </p><p>He smiles at the sight of his two best friends in the world finally being happy, and if anyone asks about the overflowing tears in his eyes, he says it's out of joy. </p><p>
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</p><p>The ceremony was beautiful, and aside from the searing pain that surged in Minseok’s chest, everything went smoothly. </p><p>But if he’s being honest, the whole thing felt surreal, almost as if he was having an out of body experience. He remembers smiling and laughing, but couldn’t feel the joy behind it. He toasted in celebration of the husbands, he talked and answered questions, but he never remembered any of the words he said. </p><p>Despite Luhan’s protests, Minseok pushes through with his best man's speech. He only coughed three times during his actual speech but otherwise, it had gone smoothly. </p><p>Baekhyun pulls him in a big bear hug moments after his speech, “Hyung, thank you for everything. You’re the best friend ever.”</p><p>Minseok shakes his head and shrugs, “Me? It was all you though.”</p><p>“You’ve always been there for me, for us. Right through the start, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have met Jongdae. When I first had doubts about my feelings for Jongdae, it was you who pushed me to finally pursue him. You’re the one that Jongdae ran to when he had doubts about our relationship” - Baekhyun pauses as he wipes the tears in his eyes-  “Nothing about the two of us will ever be possible if it wasn’t for you. <em> Thank you.” </em></p><p>
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</p><p>Jongdae then pulls him from Baekhyun’s arms, inviting him for a dance. </p><p>"It's been a while since we've seen each other. I'm glad you actually showed up," Jongdae says as they dance into a waltz. </p><p>"You make it sound like I abandoned you guys," he teases. </p><p>"We just missed you that's all. You always disappear like a bubble after we’ve finished the wedding preparations." </p><p>“Life got in the way for a bit though.” Minseok answers, “As if I’d missed this event for the world.”</p><p>Jongdae moves closer as he buries his head in Minseok’s shoulder. Minseok worries that Jongdae will develop a crick on his neck, but the small sigh he lets out seems to say otherwise. </p><p>No one says anything for a while after that, the two of them just swaying along with the jazz tunes softly playing in the background. For a while, it feels like Minseok feels in college all over again, pining for a boy that slowly danced with him inside his terribly-lit dorm room. </p><p>He thinks about everything that had happened that led up to this moment, it may have almost cost him his life, but he’s happy that Baekhyun and Jongdae are happy. </p><p>The thought makes Minseok feel content. </p><p>The third song is almost at its end when Jongdae lifts his head and looks at him. “Are you happy, Minseok-hyung?” he asks. </p><p>“I’m getting there,” Minseok softly whispers. </p><p>Jongdae nods and that’s all that needs to be said. </p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>On their way to the airport the next day, Minseok asks if they can stop by Mrs. Kim's flower shop for one last time. </p><p>He stands idly by the sidewalk to avoid being seen, looking at the flowers that Mrs. Kim is neatly arranging for display. He pulls out a note that he spent hours writing last night as he drinks himself onto a stupor, wanting to leave one last note before his flight. </p><p>But then he notices the Evening Primrose on the window display and promptly changes his mind. Minseok remembers how flowers have different meanings for him now. But for people who aren't in the same circumstance, they will never notice the nightmare underneath the beauty, how the flowers are as beautiful as they are deadly.  </p><p>He spares the note one last glance before ripping it to pieces, throwing it to the nearest trash bin. </p><p>Minseok heads directly on the car idly waiting on the other side of the road, he opens the passenger seat and asks Luhan to drive away.</p><p>He didn't look back. </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> My dearest Jongdae, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I am sorry that I won't be able to be a part of the next chapter in your life. But through this letter, I hope you will realize just how big your impact has been in mine.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You radiate strength and kindness. You were my pillar of strength in every moment of my weakness. Your existence has graced me with your smile, your voice, and most importantly, your heart.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Please do not look for me, but if you ever do, know that my laughter can be remembered in the playground where we first met each other. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You have been truly enchanting Kim Jongdae.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I hope I get the privilege of meeting you again in our next lifetime.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Live well with Baekhyun. Please, always choose to be happy when you can.  </em>
</p><p><em> Yours always, </em> <em><br/></em> <em> Kim Minseok</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>P.S.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You probably don’t realize how beautiful you are in my eyes. You are my sun, so beautiful and so bright. Did you know that sometimes, it’s so hard to look at you? Quite frankly, it is even harder to look away.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>  All my heart has ever wanted is you, but I find peace in the fact that you’re happy, even if I’m not the one beside you.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm finally letting you go.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Present - I’m always gazing at you by myself. Please, won’t you turn around for me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em> Year 2020 (Five years later) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>If anyone asks, Minseok would say that the years he spent in China had been one of the most life-changing times in his life. On the surface, it would seem that it’s because of the amazing advancement in his career. Aside from finally finishing his doctorate degree, being in China gave him the opportunity to expand his horizons - he was able to learn a new language, and build great connections from both academic and international corporate colleagues. </p><p>But only one person - namely Luhan - knew that it was more than his career that he drastically changed in his life.</p><p>He crossed oceans to finally heal his wounds - literally and figuratively. His first few years were the hardest, he told his family that he started taking advanced lessons in Mandarin while working odd jobs for his living expenses. </p><p>But the real truth was that he had been fighting off his condition. During his first year, he had finally let himself grieve the way he wanted to. In the mornings he’d juggle everything so that he can finally adjust to living in a new country; learning Mandarin, finding new hobbies, and sightseeing around Beijing while trying to find part-time jobs. </p><p>At night when all souls are mostly asleep, he’d cough petals endlessly, and on better nights when he thinks he can breathe on his own terms, he’d drink himself to a stupor and fool around with strangers. </p><p>Then he’d cry himself to sleep, grieving not only his love but also his old self that he’d wasted away. </p><p>On nights where he can’t sleep, he spent hours staring at the ceiling, thinking of Baekhyun and Jongdae, praying to all the gods that he knew that they’re happy. Out of all this mess that happened, <em> someone </em>had to be. </p><p>He’d been a wreck, and there were many, many times that he’d fought with Luhan about his treatment. He hated his consultations, it felt like reopening old wounds again and again, rubbing salt on it as if it didn’t hurt the first time.</p><p><em> “Can you elaborate on how it exactly feels when you started coughing petals?” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “On most days, it’s nothing I couldn’t handle. Just little spasms that just goes away after a while,” Luhan hums and clicks his ballpen, taking notes here and there as Minseok explains the symptoms he feels. </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “..but?” his friend presses on. </em></p><p>
  <em> “But sometimes,” Minseok closes his eyes, his breath hitching as he remembers Jongdae’s beautiful, contagious laugh when he tenderly holds Baekhyun’s hands... </em>
</p><p><em> ...and how Jongdae seems to smile just a little bit brighter around Baekhyun. </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “Sometimes it’s so painful that I can barely </em> <b> <em>breathe</em></b><em>.” </em></p><p>The gravity of what he’s about to do only hit him when Luhan started introducing him to his other colleagues with the same specialty, they’ve begun talking about preparations on surgery, post-surgery therapy sessions that need to be scheduled, and that’s when he realized that he wasn't <em> ready</em>. </p><p>Fear ate him up when he thought about the possible consequences of what he’s about to do.</p><p>It’s a long-standing argument between them, Luhan asked him to have the surgery that will take the flower by its root since it’s the safest option. The problem must be cut off from its roots. </p><p>
  <em> “I am not asking as your friend, I am telling this as your doctor. And my first and utmost priority is for you to survive and live.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t think you understand the gravity of what you’re asking me,” Minseok argues hotly. “It’s years, fucking decades that I can possibly lose if I undergo this surgery. Jongdae has been a part of who I am since my childhood. He’s half of my entire life - no, he is my entire life.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minseok’s voice crackles, like wood burning in a bonfire. He feels his chest ache, his eyes stinging from tears, and it’s like he’s breathing in smoke.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “At this point, I can’t even pinpoint where Jongdae’s existence begins and ends with me. A whole part of me exists only because Jongdae was there with me to create that Minseok.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He takes a deep breath, but there's no relief, it's as if his lungs are already on fire at this point. “Don’t you think it’s unfair to ask me to throw that all away so that I could survive?" Minseok asks weakly, "What even is the point of living if a big part of who I am is already lost?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Luhan smiles at him sadly, “Minseok, we’ve been through this, even before I convinced you to come to China with me. It’s time to come out of the cage you’ve isolated yourself in, you've been looking at yourself in the wrong light for too long.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minseok only laughed bitterly at that. </em>
</p><p>But while his mind hadn’t given up yet, his body had slowly deteriorated in its stead, crying out for help. Not even six months later, Luhan had to rush Minseok to the hospital. </p><p>There, he found out that he developed chemical pneumonia, an inflammation of lung tissue caused by the toxic fumes that were drowning in his lungs - his hard-headedness resulted in further complications. </p><p>It was only then that Minseok decided to take a leap of faith, the doctors had to cut off the source of the toxins before they could proceed with the rest of his treatment, and he had finally agreed.</p><p>Things slowly changed after that.</p><p>Being confined in that hospital bed felt like a wake-up call for Minseok. The pain had been agonizing, but the strain of helplessness is even more so. As he lay in bed every day, he constantly thought about wanting to see more of what life could still offer him.</p><p>He thinks about the pitying looks that the hospital staff gave him when they thought he wasn’t paying attention, and the need to free himself from the cage that Hanahaki has locked him in became stronger than ever. </p><p>He wanted to be more than the stigma that Hanahaki disease brings. </p><p>He wanted to be someone who survived and actually lived.</p><p>He wanted to free himself from the shackles he’s trapped himself in him. </p><p>He had to go on, even if it costs him the memory of the most important person in his life. He had to flush out the fear and the doubts clouding his heart. He pushed himself to hold on to that little hope that maybe, one day, things will get better, even if it’s at the expense losing his heart. </p><p>
  <em> “Luhan, I don’t think I can do this,” Minseok confesses the night before his operation. No matter how blinding the pain he is in, it seems like he could never be free from his fears.  </em>
</p><p><em> “You have to keep trying Minseok, we have to keep going,” Luhan encourages, he softly strokes Minseok’s head, trying to offer comfort. </em> “<em>You’ve come so far already. You’re a strong person, you’ve carried this weight for so long, and I’m happy that you now have the courage to finally let go,” the doctor further adds.                    </em></p><p>
  <em> Minseok wonders if the absence of a feeling is something one could consider light.  </em>
</p><p>Recalling the days after his surgery was disorienting for him. He remembers going through the motions, but he couldn’t recall if he was happy or sad during any of it. </p><p>Everything just felt...<em>hollow.</em></p><p>His situation only became clearer until after he asked Luhan about his worries. His friend explained to him that what he experienced is normal. Much like how the doctors are still trying to come up with a scientific explanation on what specific emotion can trigger the flowers to grow inside a person’s lungs, there still isn’t a viable connection on how removing flowers can disrupt a person’s emotions and memory. </p><p>Based on the recent surgeries they’ve conducted over the years, the most common result for post-Hanahaki surgeries is that uprooting the flowers causes a temporary ‘reset’ within the body, causing the patient to feel empty for a while. </p><p>Aside from permanently losing their emotions and their memories of the person they loved, the hollowness is considered one of the tamer, and temporary side effects between the two. </p><p>He remembers going to several group therapy sessions that Luhan required him to attend as part of his recovery. The therapy sessions are sort of a re-orientation for the patients, so to speak, it’s objective is to create a safe space and community for patients, so they wouldn’t be overwhelmed once their basic emotions come back as they recover. </p><p>It also aims to provide a support system - specifically consisting of people who are going through similar situations to help patients process their feelings properly. Especially since people don’t talk about how sometimes after surgery, lingering feelings of heartbreak also come back. </p><p>Heartbreak may no longer be a fatal condition, but it doesn’t mean that emotions wouldn’t hurt them any less. Despite not having a physical effect, it puts a mental strain on patients, and that’s exactly what the support groups want to help out on.</p><p>Attending those sessions felt like a lifeline, Minseok had the opportunity to meet so many people that helped him be the person he is today. It had been uplifting, that there are people like him, and that there are far more people who’d understand than he imagined.</p><p>It made him feel like he’s a little less alone in his suffering, and that accepting the pain he felt is just part of him being a human. </p><p>Minseok had come to realize that his old self loved Jongdae in a way that’s self-destructive. He poured so much of who he is - how he thought, how he felt, how he acted. His mind had always revolved around Jongdae, but never once did he leave something for himself. And when Baekhyun and Jongdae got together, he projected so much of his insecurities, fears, and doubts over a love that he could never have.</p><p>That’s how the Hanahaki flourished in his veins, the disease became a physical manifestation of his suffering, it made him spiral down the deep end, falling prey to his never-ending thoughts - he believed that being a good person or friend meant that he had to suffer in silence for the people he loves.</p><p>He learned how to love himself better now, how to make space for himself in his heart while simultaneously still caring about the people in his life. </p><p>It took him a long time to understand that those are not two mutually exclusive things. </p><p>
  <em> “Your heart is so pure, it makes me worry for you Minseok,” a girl once told him after his first few sessions, “I hope we can help you find the strength within yourself to carry all your worries, but until then, we will help you carry the burden.” </em>
</p><p>Minseok would be lying if he said that he doesn’t have bad days, sometimes, it feels like that there are still phantom pains in his chest, or sometimes, the demons in his head still come in whispers and in waves, but he learned how to dance in the rain.<br/><br/>He learned to accept and live with how things are - he wouldn’t say that he’s happy, but he’s far more content than he’s ever been. </p><p>Minseok could even say that it’s almost worth the suffering he’s been through considering how light his heart had been after. </p><p>He feels like he’s in a better place since then. </p><p>He’s still Kim Minseok, but at the same time, he’s a far cry from who he had been when he first went away. </p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Memories of China, however, didn’t just consist of his treatment and his struggles. </p><p>China also meant memories of meeting Chanyeol, how the tall man simply stared and blushed after meeting Minseok in a noodle shop near Luhan’s hospital. Minseok knows how he looked - part of his recovery included working on himself - but it always felt flattering to remember the effect he had on people. </p><p>And the way Chanyeol looked at him made him blush, giddy, and hot all at the same time. </p><p>He’ll always treasure the memories of initial shyness and extremely awkward flirting between the two of them. He thinks of Chanyeol’s adorable dimples appearing on his face as he caresses Minseok's hands - marveling at how their hands fit so well despite the size difference. </p><p>He was happy, they both had been. </p><p>On bad days, he tried to shake off the voices in his head that tell him that Chanyeol is the wrong height, and how his smiles, no matter how beautiful and bright they looked, weren't the same ones that he looked forward to every day before. </p><p>Minseok also got accepted into the prestigious university he’d been eyeing for years for his doctorate degree. </p><p>It felt surreal that his dissertation got featured in several academic journals all over China. What’s even more surprising is that it even reached Allegro, one of the most prominent academic journals in Korea.</p><p>After that, the biggest opportunity of his lifetime came knocking with the name Do Kyungsoo, a brilliant young professor from Seoul University, making him an offer that he couldn’t refuse, even if it meant going back to South Korea. </p><p>Kyungsoo didn’t ask for an immediate answer but gave him at least a year to think about it, telling him that the position they offered was created just for him after they saw the major breakthrough that he wrote in his dissertation, and that no one else can fill it in easily.</p><p>The mention of Korea makes him think about the people he cares about - the people he left behind.  </p><p>Minseok hadn’t talked to Jongdae nor Baekhyun during the past five years he was away, he’d seldomly call his parents, but he didn’t have the same depth of relationship with them the way he had with Mrs. Kim, so it’s not like he's willing to share anything about his personal life. </p><p>He isn’t completely out of the loop though, sometimes he still catches up with Junmyeon, and his now boyfriend, Yixing. At this point, Minseok is no longer a stranger when it comes to his friends getting together, but it still is a pleasant surprise. About 40% of their phone calls involved them sharing stories about how they got together, and Minseok enjoyed hearing every little detail about it.</p><p>But it took him a long while before he even had the courage to ask about his best friends. </p><p>He knows the four of them kept in touch despite Minseok being out of the picture, while he isn’t sure if Junmyeon and Jongdae have managed to stay in touch often, he knows that Baekhyun and Yixing run in the same circles since both of their careers are centered in the entertainment industry. </p><p>It had been easy to keep tabs of Baekhyun after learning from Yixing what his best friend had been up to. Just a quick search of his name on the internet would give him results about the numerous films and television shows he stars in. It’s not surprising for Minseok to see how popular Baekhyun had become, there had always been something about his best friend’s aura that naturally attracts people's attention to him. </p><p>Aside from Baekhyun’s quick wit and easy-going personality, Minseok had been a witness of Baekhyun’s talent shining through even if he was starting out as a lead in their small theater club in school, add that to his magnetic aura and attractive looks, it’s easy to see why he became so popular.</p><p>Baekhyun had always given it his all in everything that he did, and now he’s reaping all the benefits of his hard work and has slowly become successful.</p><p>He couldn’t say the same regarding his marriage with Jongdae though.</p><p>Baekhyun and Jongdae had drifted apart quietly. Minseok had somehow connected it together based on the careful hints and clues he’d gotten from both Junmyeon and Yixing when they exchanged emails and scheduled video calls. There’s also that gut feeling that Minseok always had based on the clues that college friends shared to him. </p><p>While Baekhyun had been busy with his shows, gaining more popularity as time went on, Jongdae is also occupied in his chosen career as businessman, and being a florist. Minseok knows that he is still handling their family’s flower shop, and under his careful management, the store has expanded with several branches across cities and other regions in Korea.</p><p>But it seems that the success for both of their careers had come with a price. Yixing told him that Baekhyun became a workaholic, he’d always kept himself locked in studios to practice his lines or shooting another film. He’d fly from schedule to schedule with little to no breaks in between. </p><p>If it weren’t for the fact that they also work on the same projects, Yixing probably wouldn’t even see Baekhyun’s shadow, even if they worked on the same building.</p><p>There were also rumors that instead of going home to his house and his husband Jongdae, Baekhyun opted to live inside the dorms of his agency. </p><p>Minseok ached as he thought about Jongdae during that time, how he’d have no one to go home to, despite the glistening ring on his left hand that proved otherwise. He knew that Jongdae would’ve tried so hard for them to work out despite the different lifestyles they’ve had, and he’d been Baekhyun’s biggest supporter. </p><p>Minseok wonders how many disappointments they've been through for them to finally let go. </p><p>He knows Jongdae like the back of his hand, and he'd always been sure of the major decisions he made in his life. But for Jongae to consider such a thing to happen, the years that passed must’ve caused him so much heartbreak.</p><p>Minseok also knows that Baekhyun would’ve tried really hard too, he knows how his best friend had loved Jongdae <em> so much.</em> There are too much history and devotion between the two for them to give up without a fight. </p><p>The thought of finally accepting reality and letting go must’ve been such a painful and difficult thing to do. </p><p>Minseok knows the feeling. </p><p>He wonders how difficult it had been to experience drifting apart like that. He’d honest to God <em> prayed </em> that Baekhyun and Jongdae would be the one for each other. He thinks about how Baekhyun would always light up whenever Jongdae is in the room, and how his eyes had looked for him when he wasn't. </p><p>Minseok had witnessed firsthand that the love they shared isn’t something easily shakeable, and that they’d stayed strong despite the adversities that came their way. </p><p>But for some reason, it didn’t happen, and it had been a hard pill to swallow for Minseok. He truly wanted them to be happy, but it seems fate had other plans.</p><p>Junmyeon and Yixing had known about the divorce way before it had hit the tabloids. Baekhyun was still starting out in the industry when he got married to Jongdae, but he’d never been secretive about that aspect in his life, and years later, it had also been Baekhyun who took the first initiative and disclosed it to the public before any malicious news outlet had gotten wind of it.<br/><br/>The first time Minseok heard about it from Junmyeon and Yixing, he’d gotten so devastated and shattered that he became <em> this </em>close to immediately booking a flight back to South Korea. It took Luhan and Chanyeol to sit on him, literally, to stop him from stomping down on everything that he’d achieved for the past few years. </p><p>It was Chanyeol who succeeded in slapping some sense into him.<br/><br/><em> “I don’t know if you’re forgetting one tiny little thing, but you disappeared from their lives without a trace, so you can’t just barge in like nothing happened. It's not that easy. You can't be irrational just because you think something isn’t going the way you wanted to.”  </em></p><p>
  <em> “They may be your treasured dongsaengs, but you have to remember that they’re both adults, and you’re not in any way responsible for whatever decision they make for themselves.” </em>
</p><p><em> “You can’t tell them how to live their lives just because you’re their ‘hyung’. Life doesn’t work that way. That’s arrogant and wrong of you.” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> Minseok couldn’t deny how Chanyeol had a point. But even then, there’s still that crushing weight of guilt that lingers in his heart. It feels like he failed as their best friend. He walked out on them all of a sudden just because he couldn’t get a grip on his feelings, and he wasn’t there when they needed him most.<br/><br/>Eventually, he’d come to accept what Chanyeol had told him. Just like Minseok had the same right on making decisions and getting on with his life, Baekhyun and Jongdae should also be able to decide what to do with theirs. </p><p>Sure they could’ve used his support, but even then, Minseok knows that the final decision is up to the two of them. There’s nothing that Minseok could’ve done about it, but he still couldn’t quite forgive himself. </p><p>For a while, Minseok even considered getting in touch with his best friends again, but he doesn’t know what to say to either of them or if he's even allowed to. </p><p>He doubts Baekhyun would even acknowledge a random message from an unknown number, he probably receives an insane amount of anonymous messages from his long line of fans. </p><p>He doubts Baekhyun would even see it too, and even if he introduced himself, he’s seen the pictures that Baekhyun is somewhere in Greece filming another movie project of his, he’ll be too busy to bother replying to someone who suddenly disappeared in his life. </p><p>Minseok thought about contacting Jongdae too - many, many times. For weeks and weeks, he finds himself lingering on his old Facebook profile, wondering if it’s okay to message him out of the blue. It’s the only social media account that Jongdae has, and he isn’t even active in it. If it weren’t for the occasional plant photo that he posts, one would think that it’d be a dead account.   </p><p>The all-consuming feelings of guilt got put on the back burner when Minseok started becoming busy with his career again. He started getting invited to several conferences all over Beijing, and even some areas around South East Asia. He also co-authored journal articles with fellow researchers he met in these events, and the amount of research he had to work on wiped away any feelings about his two best friends. </p><p>His break-up with Chanyeol also became one of his most primary concerns. He knows that the younger man had been far more invested in the relationship than he’d been, and Minseok didn’t think it’s fair for them to be on such unequal footing. Chanyeol is a pure soul with a gentle heart, he didn’t deserve getting less than what he deserves. </p><p>It was a bittersweet yet amicable breakup, Chanyeol insisted that they could still remain friends, but he wasn’t sure if it’s a good decision for the both of them. Minseok truly loved Chanyeol, but there’s still that small part within him that he can’t open the way he used to before. </p><p>It’s another thing that piled up in his long list of things that he’d be guilty of.<br/><br/>Eventually, all his conferences have ended, the journal articles he authored and co-authored have been published, and now that his work contract is soon ending, Minseok decided it’s finally time to give Kyungsoo a call to talk about the job offer he’d mentioned months ago.<br/><br/>On the day of his departure, Chanyeol and Luhan drove him to the airport. Luhan wanted to go to Korea with him, but he’s too busy at the hospital to do so. He bid him goodbye, and promised that he’ll fly soon to check on him from time to time and that there are support groups in Korea that he can participate in to keep him grounded. </p><p>Meanwhile, Chanyeol kissed him as his goodbye, giving him that dimpled, boyish yet watery smile of his, breaking Minseok’s heart just a little for one last time. </p><p>China had been so good to him, it had been his haven during the most difficult time of his life. It allowed him to embrace his vulnerability and his humanity. It allowed him space to grieve, to mourn the person he once was, to mourn his old life that had broken his heart too many times, and to mourn the things he had left behind to finally move forward. </p><p>But South Korea is still his home, and while he likes doing research, he loved teaching even more, and Kyungsoo’s permanent job offer will give him the chance to do so in his own home country. It would also be nice to catch up with Junmyeon and Yixing, despite their constant communication, there’s nothing like catching up over beer and snacks.</p><p>Minseok peeks outside the airplane's window and stares at the view in front of him. The sky is painted with different hues of red and orange, just like it did when he and his family first arrived in Seoul.</p><p>He’s finally going home. </p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>It’s been three months since Minseok arrived in Korea, but he still hadn’t seen Jongdae. He’d gotten settled in his new apartment near Seoul University, had his welcome dinner with Kyungsoo and the rest of the co-workers, went out for drinks with Junmyeon and Yixing, and got blackout drunk like they’re in college all over again.</p><p>But somehow, he never saw Jongdae, until the universe found a way around it. </p><p>They’re having another dinner since a new staff joined their team, and since he’s the youngest in the staff (Kyungsoo doesn’t count since he’s been working there longer), it’s part of their tradition to ask the new hires to do errands from time to time. </p><p>That’s how he found himself standing outside Mrs. Kim’s (or should he say Jongdae’s) flower shop. He really could’ve gotten an arrangement from somewhere else, but this is the closest to the school, and the quality of other shops doesn’t hold a candle to the fresh and fragrant flowers that they sell. </p><p>He feels his knees shake as soon as he gets closer to the shop, it’s been five years, but he can still clearly remember the last time he went here to say his one final goodbye. </p><p>He can see that many things have changed since then. It looks like to shop had undergone renovation, instead of the familiar brown wooden door on its entrance, the storefront has been replaced with an aluminum glass door, Minseok doesn’t know whether or not he hates the binders that were placed on it since now he doesn’t know if the person that he’s been dreading (excited) to see will be on the other side. Minseok takes a deep breath and finally steps in.</p><p>Being inside the flower shop feels nostalgic. The mixed aroma of flowers in the air soon hits his nostrils, as he scans the room, the first thing he notices is that it’s still the same old flower shop he’d left years ago. Though some of the furniture has changed - a mix and match between old shelves and newly varnished tables - it’s still the same old place he grew up in. </p><p>The rows of their flowers are still placed in by the windows for the storefront display, and the old, brown vase shelf that Baekhyun almost toppled when they were in high school is still in the corner of the room behind the counter.</p><p>He steps forward to enter and different colors (some of which are still garish) of the ribbons used for flower arrangements catches his attention, suddenly he remembers that one time where he almost cut himself because he used the newly-sharpened scissors that Mrs. Kim forbade him to touch, he remembers how the eight-year-old Jongdae almost cried because his hyung got hurt. </p><p>He feels himself smiling at the memory, his body relaxing as he sees a younger woman fixing the flower display. For a moment, he feels relieved and disappointed all at the same time, perhaps another time then, he thinks. </p><p>But then the door from the back room opens and he sees <em> him. </em></p><p>It’s like Minseok can’t help himself when it comes to this person. It’s almost a knee jerk reaction, how he felt his heart make a stuttered broken flip, and how his limbs seemed to stop working on its own, momentarily rooting him on the spot, just staring. </p><p>Jongdae, who still hasn’t noticed him, heads straight toward the counter and takes a seat in front of the vase shelf, looking away from the entrance where Minseok is. </p><p>As he takes in the brown tousled hair, baggy black shirt, worn-out apron, and ripped fitted jeans that Jongdae is wearing, Minseok thinks that he’s as beautiful as ever and that he’s every bit of the florist he wanted to be when they were young. </p><p>Jongdae’s shoulders are slumped forward, glancing absently at the vases in front of him. He looks so tired. Somehow, in the middle of different flower aroma that is currently invading his sense of smell, Minseok notices that Jongdae looks cold and alone.</p><p>Minseok couldn't help but tremble, and yet he walked forward. He tries to bring a smile to his face. One of the best ways to coax Jongdae out of his foul mood is to tease. He hopes that despite everything that’s happened, that one thing hasn’t changed.</p><p>He pauses in front of the counter, resting his elbows, and leans in to bring his face closer to Jongdae</p><p>“Anything I could do to turn that frown upside down?” Minseok asks, wearing a grin on his face. He tries to look confident but inside he’s praying to every deity out there that Jongdae won’t punch him the moment he sees him.</p><p>Jongdae turns toward the voice, clearly startled, “H-hyung?”</p><p>Minseok nods, grinning, it’s so quiet in the shop, but the hammering in his chest is almost deafening, “Hey stranger.”</p><p>
  <em> “Hyung.” </em>
</p><p>“It’s been a whi-<em> mmph!” </em></p><p>All of a sudden Jongdae is out of his chair, and jumps over the counter towards Minseok, pulling him in a tight, bone-crushing hug, it all happens so fast that Minseok barely had time to think before he moves out of reflex, catching his best friend just in time. But then he lets go as fast as it happened, leaving Minseok a little shaken and disappointed.</p><p>“I’m sorry hyung-,” Jongdae says, his voice slightly hoarse, “You just surprised me is all.”</p><p>“It’s great to see you too Jongdae,” Minseok answers, still smiling and holding Jongdae’s arm. </p><p>Jongdae smiles back at him, if a little uncertain, it’s a strange look to see on his best friend’s face. “I didn’t know you’re back in Korea.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“When did you return?”</p><p>Minseok shrugs and shuffles on his feet, “A few months,” he answers. “I wanted to settle in first, and I would’ve called-”</p><p>“But it’s not like it had been your habit right?” Jongdae interrupts, his tone suddenly a little sharp, “Just simply reaching out, I guess it's that difficult to say hello or goodbye for you then?”</p><p>“I really wanted to call,” Minseok answers weakly. <em> So many times, but I was weak. </em></p><p>Jongdae only furrows his eyes, “Then how come you didn’t?”</p><p><em> Because I got too busy trying to get my life back. </em>Minseok whispers in his mind. But all he answers is, “I’m sorry, Jongdae.”</p><p>Jongdae only looks defeated, and it hurts Minseok’s heart, “Hyung, you- you do realize that disappeared like smoke right?” He sighs, and fidgets around, not quite meeting his eyes, “Hyung- tell me, was it..was it something I did?”</p><p>“<em>No-,</em>” Minseok answers so swiftly, "God no, of course not. It’s just- I'm really just a massive idiot.”</p><p>Jongdae chuckles, but he looks like he’s not thoroughly convinced, but before Minseok could say anything else, he completely changes the topic, “So, what can I do for you today?”</p><p>Minseok feels like walking on thin ice, but it feels like there’s nothing he can do about it for now, “I was actually thinking if I can get a bouquet of flowers from you.”</p><p>“Sure. What’s it for? Dinner date? Work event?”</p><p>“It’s for a welcome dinner.”</p><p>Jongdae mutely nods and goes to work. Minseok heart clenches, all of sudden it’s like a stranger is in front of him, and he doesn’t know what to do to bring that gentle, and cheerful Jongdae he’s best friends with for years, doesn’t know if he deserves to see him again. </p><p>There’s not much that Minsok could say after too. Jongdae just roams around the room, fleeting from flower displays, choosing several types of flowers as he does so. </p><p>Once he’s done, Jongdae gingerly hands the arrangement to him and Minseok moves to get his wallet, but Jongdae suddenly holds his hand out reaching for Minseok’s hands, “Hyung, no need. It’s on the house.”</p><p>“But-” He tries to protest.</p><p>“No, consider it as your welcome back gift.”</p><p>“There’s no need-”</p><p>“Hyung, I insist.”</p><p>Minseok pauses, considering. Jongdae’s always been a bit stubborn when it comes to things like this, and since he’s running out of time before Kyungsoo looks for him, he finally concedes.</p><p>“Well then, if that’s the case, then I insist I pay you back in some way or another.”</p><p>“Minseok-hyung, you don’t have to-”</p><p>“Oh. I absolutely insist,” Minseok answers back. Two can play at this game.</p><p>There’s a tired sigh.</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>Minseok smiles. <em> Victory. </em></p><p>“Great!” Minseok grins at him, “So...how about we drink together for old times sake?”</p><p>
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</p><p>Turns out making plans as an adult isn’t as easy as Minseok thought it would be, especially for Minseok and Jongdae who had their own responsibilities and demanding jobs to handle. </p><p>After making the offer, Minseok completely forgot that he had to leave the next day for a conference with Kyungsoo outside Seoul that will last two weeks. </p><p>Minseok offered that they could go as soon as he got back in the city. But since the universe seems dead set on making his plan fail, Minseok found out that on the day before his return, Jongdae had to attend a weekend wedding for work. Jongdae’s supervision isn’t normally needed for such events but since the client is pretty high-profile, he wanted to make sure that everything goes smoothly.</p><p>So they had to settle on exchanging numbers before Minseok left Jongdae’s flower shop.</p><p>Texting is a foreign concept for Minseok, he’s not the biggest texter, always opting to call his friends when they want to catch up. He supposes it’s the best way to break the ice between the two of them, now that interacting felt like walking on eggshells. </p><p>There’s a part of him that’s saying that maybe having Jongdae back in his life is a bad idea. Sure, it’s not like he’s in a life or death situation like before, but it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t get hurt by lingering feelings that just won’t fade. </p><p>But the thing is, he simply <em> missed </em>Jongdae. Not the sweet, charming teenager Jongdae that Minseok started to have a crush on when he was in college, and not the Jongdae who unknowingly and unintentionally broke his heart after marrying their other best friend. </p><p>Just <em> Jongdae, </em> his childhood best friend, the small yet strong-hearted kid that he befriended when he was all alone; the one who gave him flowers every year on his birthday; the first person that Minseok was able to open up easily - and above all, the Jongdae whom he simply just loved for who <em> he is</em>. </p><p>Minseok is just gonna have to suck it up and work on his rusty texting skills if he wants to have that Jongdae back in his life then.</p><p>It took three days before Minseok had to get over himself enough to text Jongdae. And even then it’s just a lame <em>Hi Jongdae,</em> <em>just wanted to check if I got the right number. - Minseok</em>. Which sounded stupid, what does he plan to do next if it turned to be fake? It’s not like he could just immediately run back and demand the correct one on such short notice. </p><p>This is the reason why Minseok hated texting and preferred calling. During calls, he’s able to maintain a great conversation for his quick thinking, but texting only leads to him overthinking every single thing that he wants to say.</p><p>Minseok must have composed and deleted hundreds of messages before he actually managed to send one. It’s just that he couldn’t get the tone right. He wanted to be funny but he didn’t think his puns would be appreciated at the moment. Sending something heartfelt right at the start is probably just going to make things even more awkward. So he just went with something that’s equivalent to an awkward wave and hoped for the best, it’s either Jongde would reply back or pretend it didn’t happen.</p><p>Unfortunately, Minseok immediately conked out after sending the text - he’d been planning what to send all night and he ended up staying later than he’s supposed to - so he wasn’t able to see the plain simple <em> yes </em> that Jongdae replied with 5 minutes after. It’s pretty dismissive, not something that one could easily reply to, but if Minseok had seen it immediately, he probably would’ve been able to think of something. But as it is, he was only able to see it 12 hours later - Minseok didn’t have time to look at his phone since the first day of their conference got pretty hectic.</p><p>The window of acceptable hours when replying to dry as hell texts have long since passed, and he didn’t want to seem awkward. Minseok decides that the first attempt is a bust. </p><p>The next time Minseok tries to text Jongdae, he decides to just send him a photo of the ragdoll cat that he fell in love with the first time he set foot on the university with Kyungsoo.</p><p>After all, who doesn’t like cats?</p><p>[Image Attached] <em> Will you still be my friend if I kidnapped Cherry, the university cat? </em></p><p><em> Depends. </em> Jongdae texted. <em> Will you let me pet her if I agree? </em></p><p>Minseok laughs, Jongdae had always been a sucker for cats. <em> Hmm...I could be persuaded with melon bread and some treats for my new cat. </em> </p><p>
  <em> You drive a hard bargain, you're lucky that Cherry is cute. </em>
</p><p>And just like that they were off. Minseok forgot that Jongdae had always been so easy to talk to. In addition, it’s always interesting to talk to him since his best friend always had a different yet gentle view about life, whether it be on random news articles or even that drama that he’d been following for a while. </p><p>Minseok thinks that Jongdae’s mind is the most fascinating thing about him. Sure there had been a time in the past that that fascination had been laced with his fears and insecurity that he couldn’t match up and agree too. But the years had shed off those poisonous thoughts and his admiration had remained.</p><p>A week after their consecutive texting, Minseok almost fell off the bed when Jongdae suddenly called him out of nowhere. He’s thankful that Kyungsoo went out for dinner with a few colleagues that night, or he would’ve embarrassed himself immediately. </p><p>The first few seconds after Minseok answered is a bit stilted, awkward, and weird. Minseok doesn’t really know what to say to Jongdae and it felt like his friend was holding back - and then somehow they ended up talking about <em> anime </em> of all things - Jongdae kept talking about how the animation and cinematography of the shows he’s watched really amplified his watching experience, and why can’t the mangas do that? Minseok argues that the meat and essence of the plot is all in the manga and it’s just as good, if not better. <em> “But hyung, I’m a watcher, not a reader!”  </em></p><p>It’s such a stupid and mundane topic, but Minseok slept that night with a ridiculously huge smile on his face and fluttery feeling on his chest. Kyungsoo even pointed it out the next morning, asking his hyung if he found a really good show to watch on Netflix last night since he had a spring on his step.  </p><p>So yeah, that happened. And it continued to happen, the texts and the calls. It’s a thing where Minseok sends cat photos and Jongdae calls to rant about the anime he watched. </p><p>Sometimes, Minseok wonders if Jongdae is just forced to reply to him, but then again, Jongdae wouldn’t reply to him nor call him if he didn’t enjoy talking to him right?</p><p>
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</p><p>“I heard about your divorce with Baekhyun.” </p><p>The words were out of Minseok’s mouth before he caught himself. He winces, maybe opening another bottle of beer isn’t the best choice, earlier he figured that it’s safe to drink a little more since he and Jongdae decided to have dinner and drink inside of his apartment instead of going out. </p><p>Minseok should’ve held back if he’s going to run his mouth like this, the night started out well, Jongdae offered to cook like he always did when they were younger, while Minseok offered booze and his Netflix subscription. </p><p>“Shit- I’m sorry,” Minseok continues, “That didn’t come out as nicely as I thought.”</p><p>There’s a snort from his left, “Hyung did you know,” Jongdae says after a pause, “..that the first thing Baekhyun and I talked about after finally signing the divorce papers was: <em> “Minseok-hyung is going to fucking flip.’ </em></p><p>Minseok tries to suppress his snort, remembering how Chanyeol and Luhan had literally sat on his back just to stop him from booking his flight back to Korea when he first found out what happened. His best friend really knows him better than he gave them credit for, but in the long run, Chanyeol was correct, whatever decision Baekhyun and Jongdae made is not something he has control over. </p><p>“Are you guys alright though?” He eventually asks, “Are <em> you </em> alright?”</p><p>“Two years have passed hyung,” Jongdae says, “I’m fine now, we both are.”</p><p>Minseok looks at Jongdae after that wondering if he really is telling the truth. At first glance, Jongdae looks the same - but for him, his best friend somehow also looks different. It’s not obvious, five years isn’t really such a long time to show any obvious change. </p><p>For Minseok, Jongdae looks as beautiful as ever -if a little bit thinner, making his cheekbones and jawline a bit more prominent - but that does nothing but enhance his beauty. Minseok supposes the only most noticeable thing is the certain rigidness in Jongdae’s posture that wasn’t there years ago. </p><p>He remembers how Jongdae looked guarded and a little bit harder to deal with when they first met back at his flower shop, the unhappiness that settled over his aura like a cloud after he pulled back from their sudden embrace. Minseok can’t really fault Jongdae for that, not when he was the one who pulled back in the first place. </p><p>Thanks to their constant communication during the past few weeks, their night out isn’t as awkward as it was the first time. Although at some point Minseok would notice how stiff Jongdae would become all of sudden, and he had to suppress his impulse from reaching out and smoothing the tense lines of Jongdae’s shoulders with his fingers.</p><p>“Baekhyun and I-” Jongdae suddenly says, “We’ve talked about it, you know?”</p><p>That gets Minseok’s attention, he glances at his friend who’s sitting beside him, they’re not quite touching, but they're close enough that Minseok could feel the body heat from Jongdae’s thigh. The man in question isn’t looking at Minseok, instead he’s looking straight ahead at the television, with a faraway look in his eyes.</p><p>Minseok aches at the sudden need to lean against Jongdae, an offer for skinship to help him ease his worries, but he’s not quite sure if it would be welcome.</p><p>“It’s okay Jongdae,” Minseok assures him, “We don’t have to talk about it if you aren't comfortable.”</p><p>“No hyung-” Jongdae argues back, “I guess I needed to let it out too you know?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“The simplest way I could put it is that our relationship isn’t working the way we hoped it would. I really loved Baekhyun with all my heart, and I know he did too,” Jongdae pauses as he takes a deep breath,”..until we didn’t anymore.” </p><p>Jongdae chuckles picking at the label of his beer bottle, “As we got closer and closer to our individual dreams - with him being an artist, and me just being a florist- the more we drifted apart. We realized along the way that the life we wanted for our future selves just didn’t match anymore. The people that we are now, are different from the people we were before. The two of us had a wonderful adventure, but it seems it’s time for us to go on another one, but this time it had to be taken separately.”</p><p>Jongdae puts down the bottle on the coffee table, crumpling the pieces of ripped bottle label on his hand before putting them in his pocket. “The relationship and bonding we had was beautiful, a little imperfect, a bit jagged around the edges, but that’s okay. Sure, we didn’t have the happy ending that people wished for, but both of us made peace with that. It doesn’t invalidate the fact that we treasured the time that we had.”</p><p>Jongdae bitterly laughs,“I guess sometimes, loving each other isn't always quite enough you know?” </p><p>Minseok’s self-control dissipates when he hears Jongdae’s voice starting to crack, so before his mind could protest, he unclasps his hands from where he’s been wringing them in his lap and reaches for Jongdae’s hand, offering his shoulder so that his friend can lean on him for comfort. Feeling a little bold that the younger man didn’t pull away in disgust, Minseok interlocks his fingers with Jongdae’s, squeezing it a little. </p><p>“Thank you for telling me all this, Dae.” he finally answers. </p><p>Jongdae just leans against Minseok further, burrowing his head on Minseok’s neck, as if attempting to hide from the world. Minseok wonders if he imagined the faint whisper of <em> ‘Thank you hyung.’ </em>against his skin as they continue to watch the movie playing in silence. </p><p>“Hey hyung,” Jongdae calls his attention after a while.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“How long will you be staying in Korea this time?” The casualness in Jongdae’s tone feels so forced and so brittle, and another pang of guilt crosses through Minseok’s body.</p><p>“Permanently, I suppose,” Minseok answers. “I’ve always dreamed of being in the academic field, and working for Seoul University helps me achieve that dream.”</p><p>“Looks like we have to plan a welcome home dinner then,” Jongdae says, softly squeezing Minseok’s hand. </p><p>He looks up at Minseok and smiles that same bright smile that he'd always loved, “Welcome home Minseok-hyung, I guess I’ll be seeing you around.”</p><p>Minseok smiles back and leans his head against Jongdae's, feeling the warmth of the latter's palm spread against his own. </p><p>
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</p><p>Since Minseok’s dinner with Jongdae was a success (despite the surprising turn of events aka unpredicted discussion about the divorce and Baekhyun), Minseok wonders if their dinners could happen more frequently. </p><p>He doesn’t really want to push, but at the same time, he also doesn’t want Jongdae to think that 'reconnecting' is just a fleeting effort on Minseok’s part. So he waits for a few weeks to pass before calling Jongdae, asking if he wants to hang out again soon and catch up some more. Jongdae agrees immediately, setting up a good time and date for both of them to meet.</p><p>He still sounds a bit guarded, but Minseok has learned to take it in stride. Rome is not built in one day after all. </p><p>They slowly settle into a routine after that, there is a designated afternoon coffee on Tuesdays when Jongdae finds out that his client’s office is near Seoul University (<em> It’s not like you have classes on Tuesdays hyung, you can spare an hour to drink coffee with me) </em>, and dinners on either Thursday or Friday, whichever is better for them. </p><p>Minseok would jokingly insist that Jongdae should cook just like the old times, while Jongdae would jab that Minseok is just being a cheapskate since eating out means the older one pays. </p><p>Minseok also found out that Jongdae has voluntarily taken up running every Sunday morning, but he hasn’t succeeded yet in letting himself join <em> (Not to be dramatic, but hyung, if I ran with you I would die. You’re a fucking machine.</em>).</p><p>Minseok thinks about how they’ve come a long way ever since he arrived in Korea, the awkward tension that they used to experience has finally dissipated, and it leaves a warm feeling on Minseok’s chest, he’s happy to have Jongdae back as his friend. </p><p>Jongdae surprises him one time when he suddenly calls Minseok on Wednesday night, telling him that their weekly dinner plans might get changed a bit since his mom found out that Minseok is finally back town, and is insisting that the two of them should join her instead.</p><p>The next night, there’s a bunch of mixed feelings swirling in Minseok’s gut after arriving at the italian restaurant. Minseok is both nervous and giddy about finally meeting Mrs. Kim again, he hasn't talked to the woman ever since Jongdae and Baekhyun’s wedding. </p><p>He wonders if Mrs. Kim also holds resentment towards him since he didn’t even try to contact her. </p><p>Except that all those fears are unfounded, Mrs. Kim is nothing but all smiles and cheek kisses as soon as he arrives at their dinner table. Then, the three of them start ordering food and settle into an easy conversation, topics ranging from Minseok’s time in China, Mrs. Kim’s new hobby of knitting and crocheting everything and anything that she could think of, and Jongdae taking over the family business.  </p><p>It’s as if nothing has changed, Mrs. Kim continues to coo at him and pamper him like his second mother, ordering the food she knows he likes and giving him the biggest portion of the cheesecake they ordered.</p><p><em> “I can’t believe I’m getting betrayed here in front of my salad,” </em>Jongdae claims indignantly after Mrs. Kim handed the bigger slice of cheesecake to Minseok.</p><p><em> “Oh hush,” </em> Mrs. Kim argues, <em> “I didn’t say anything when I found out you ordered another set manhwas online didn’t I?”  </em></p><p><em> “W-wha-” </em> Jongdae sputters, <em> “I did not!”  </em></p><p>Minseok just laughs quietly to himself as he watches the mother and son bicker back and forth. </p><p>Two hours have already passed when Jongdae excuses himself from the dinner table to answer a call from his client. </p><p>As soon as Jongdae is out of earshot, Minseok feels a warm hand on top of his, and he looks up at the owner of said hand. “Thank you, Minseok.” Mrs. Kim tells all of sudden.</p><p>The confusion must’ve been so obvious in his eyes when Mrs. Kim suddenly adds, “You know my son, I haven’t seen him smile like that since his divorce with Baekhyun. It’s always work, work, and more work for him. If he isn’t meeting with clients, he’s holed in our greenhouse. I’ve been begging him to take a break once in a while, that the plants won’t run away if he decides to take a day off, but he just wouldn’t budge.”</p><p>Minseok flushes under the attention that Mrs. Kim is giving to him, suddenly feeling shy and bashful to meet her eyes. “I really didn’t do anything.” </p><p>“Even so, I’m just glad you’re finally back then,” Mrs. Kim softly tells him with a soft hint of a smile curling in the corner of her mouth.</p><p>Minseok looks at her and smiles in his glass, “I’m glad I’m back too.”</p><p>
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</p><p>One of the most controversial topics in the therapy sessions that Minseok attended is about confessing their condition to their loved ones. </p><p>More often than not, the afflicted person does not want to tell a single soul about their condition, which Minseok can honestly relate to. After all, who would want to dump unnecessary guilt into anyone? It’s not like it’s their fault. Sometimes, the heart just wants what it wants, despite the unpredicted adversaries it might present.</p><p>The most controversial case that he had heard deals with betrayal, from a girl named Chohee. Apparently, Chohee got tricked into getting the surgery despite not consenting to it - just so they can survive. Chohee's love did care for her, but not in a way that can save her. But they couldn’t live with the knowledge that they’re going to be the cause of Chohee’s death, so they tricked her instead.</p><p>Minseok remembers the haunting feeling that passed through his chest at that, living with the knowledge that the person you loved betrayed you in exchange for your survival.</p><p>And then he thinks about Jongdae, wondering if admitting his former condition will cause another drift in their friendship, leaving an irreparable gap that Minseok can no longer rebuild and piece together. </p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok would admit that he’s probably thought of a hundred possible scenarios where he’d finally admit to Jongdae about what really happened in China. He supposes he should be ready, and yet, it still happens in the most unexpected way he could think of. </p><p>One Saturday morning, Jongdae decides to take him to their family’s greenhouse outside Seoul - suddenly appearing on his front door and creating a ruckus as if Minseok didn’t have neighbors that are still sleeping. While Minseok is naturally a morning person, he doesn’t appreciate having to get up at the crack of dawn on his rest day for something as mundane as this. But as it is, another thing that didn’t change between them is the fact that he still can’t seem to say no to his best friend’s face when he pouts. </p><p>He’s not exactly the most functional being at five am, and being assaulted with something as disarming as Jongdae’s pout while he hasn’t had his coffee yet is just too much.</p><p>Still, it didn’t mean that he didn’t put up a fight. Jongdae had to practically drag him into the car, shoving an almost liter-sized travel mug filled with coffee into his hands. It smells amazing, and Minseok shuts up as he drifts off once again, inhaling the rich, caramel-scented aroma wafting in the air. </p><p>He only hums noncommittally as Jongdae tells him about the plants he’s taking care of inside the greenhouse. His eyes are closed, but he can feel the joy in Jongdae’s energy as he talks about the Chrysanthemums and Petunias he’s been growing over the past few weeks. </p><p>By the time they arrive, the coffee has finally settled in his system and Minseok feels awake enough to finally function like a human being again. Jongdae gives him a short tour around the whole place, giving him a detailed lecture about each of the plants that he painstakingly grew and cared for since his mom left him in charge of the place. Jongdae also introduced him to some of the caretakers he hired to maintain the place. </p><p>It feels endearing to see Jongdae in his element, and a grin creeps up on his face as he watches his friend. There’s pure joy and warmth in Jongdae’s eyes as he shows each and every plant that they come across with. Minseok feels like his heart is bursting to full as Jongdae tells him an anecdote about the journey of each plant he cared for.</p><p>Minseok didn’t imagine that he’d find himself immensely enjoying Jongdae’s pseudo-lecture about botany that he almost forgets the mosquitoes around. </p><p>He really can’t quite help himself, so he really didn’t notice that Jongdae catches him staring. </p><p>“Is there something on my face?” The younger man asks.</p><p>Minseok quickly shakes his head, “No, I’m just thinking.” </p><p>“About?”</p><p>“The journal article I’m working on.” Minseok quickly lies, “My adviser told me to edit some areas from my dissertation, she tells me that some of the readers of that magazine may not appreciate all the nerd talk I’ve been doing since I used a lot of jargons.” He shrugs casually, “I’m just thinking if it’s still worth it, I’m sure the majority of the readers are in the same field as I am anyway, I doubt anyone who didn’t have prior knowledge about statistics theories would read my paper anyway. It’s been bothering me.”</p><p>Jongdae quickly puts down the potted flower he’s holding and turns to him. “You know, your adviser has a good point. It’s not that your work isn’t bad - but reading it felt like you're addressing an exclusive community that others would never be welcome in? I think it makes sense to simplify it more so that it can reach a wider range of audience.”</p><p>Minseok’s mind whirls at the flood of information that registers in his mind. “What do you mean?” He narrows his eyes at his friend. “Jongdae - have you read any of my work?”</p><p>“It wasn't that hard to find, Yin Research Center posted your first article online.” Jongdae fidgets and begins rearranging the pots to his left, not quite meeting his eyes. “I only understood about half of it, so I’m glad I found your dissertation online too. It’s still confusing as hell, but hey, at least I got more context.”</p><p>Minseok only stares at him, his mind reeling, “Jongdae, I don’t understand. Why?”</p><p>Jongdae takes a deep breath and finally puts down the plant he’d been moving since this conversation began and looks at him. “Maybe I’m just bored?”</p><p>Minseok only scoffs, “I know you, Jongdae. You don’t read academic journals when you’re bored.”</p><p>“Well <em> excuse me </em> for wanting to know more about you!” Jongdae says with an icy tone to his voice, “The thing is, I had a childhood best friend whom I really treasured. He’d been my constant, he is the first person I think of whenever something happens in my life, whether it's about something happy, sad, or even just random ideas. We were inseparable, we used to be <em> so close </em> that sometimes we didn’t even need to talk to each other to know what the other was thinking. All my life, I’ve always thought I knew him like the back of my hand, and he does too.”</p><p>“Jongdae please-”</p><p>“But I guess I was wrong wasn’t I? All of a sudden he disappeared like smoke. All my calls suddenly got disconnected, and even my emails kept bouncing back to me. I got so desperate to the point that I stubbornly hold on the only trace I had of him -  these stupid mathematics journals in a language that I could barely even understand!”</p><p>Jongdae’s voice rings loudly across the silent room with no other soul but the plants as their witness.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Jongdae.” Minseok softly whispers.</p><p>“Hyung, just - be honest with me. It is really something that I did, wasn't it?" Jongdae asks. "You know, I thought we knew everything about each other, but in a blink of an eye, it felt like we suddenly became strangers.” </p><p>Jongdae’s entire form slumps, and he looks at Minseok with a searching look on his face. “I understand that as we grew older both of us slowly drifted apart. We had our own lives to deal with - I got busy with my marriage and you got busy with your career. But still, weren’t we supposed to be best friends? <em> Why did you suddenly leave me in the dark like that?"</em></p><p>Minseok could only watch as Jongdae takes a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself down. </p><p>“I suppose I’m being unfair,” Jongdae suddenly laughs. “I managed to contact Luhan-hyung two years after you disappeared.” </p><p>Minseok feels his blood freeze, <em> Jongdae knows.  </em></p><p>“He didn’t really tell me a lot. I’m not sure if he even meant to share what I accidentally overheard back then,” Jongdae exhales, looking visibly shaken. “Minseok-hyung, why didn’t you trust me? You know that I’ve always respected your privacy right? I trust that you’ll eventually tell me things once you’re ready. But hyung, you were almost <em> dying</em>.” </p><p>The crack in Jongdae’s voice felt similar to the feeling in Minseok’s chest as he watched his best friend cry. </p><p>"Did you realize just how helpless I felt back then?! That somewhere out there you're suffering all on your own, and there's nothing I could do but pray that maybe someday you'll explain why the fuck things have happened like this." Jongdae's voice had become hoarse, fueled by overflowing raw emotions. </p><p>“You know hyung, I don’t hate you for keeping this from me, but what I do <em> hate </em> is the fact that you didn’t believe me enough, didn’t <em> trust </em> me enough to at least give me a chance. Did our years of friendship mean nothing to you? That fucking <em> hurts.</em>”</p><p>Jongdae fixes Minseok with a steady look that gives nothing away. “Hyung, please, for one last time. Can you just be honest with me?” </p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>His whole conversation and confession with Jongdae felt cathartic and freeing. </p><p>Jongdae remained mum most of the time, occasionally asking questions, clarifying bits and pieces of information that Minseok didn't elaborate before. If it weren't for how his jaw would tense, clenching his fists to his side, Minseok would think that Jongdae didn't care about the whole thing. </p><p>It's like taking a trip down memory lane, his story went back as far as his weird encounter with Mrs. Choi, Baekhyun’s drunken ambush in his dorm room, the favors that Baekhyun asked from him so that he can be alone with Jongdae, how his life had turned for worse upon the sudden appearance of yellow petals in Minseok’s house.</p><p>
  <em> "That long?" Jongdae asks for the very first time after Minseok mentioned the Evening Primrose petals that he saw in his house.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It took Minseok a second to remember that it was Jongdae who told him all about the flower that resided in his chest in the first place.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Yeah," Minseok confirms.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's funny, how their history is just filled with one irony after another.  </em>
</p><p>Minseok told him his full story about why he went to China, the life he led during the first few years there, the neverending arguments with Luhan, the phone calls he had with Junmyeon and Yixing, his days in the hospital, the realization he had as he stared at the hospital ceiling for hours- with nothing but his mind and the beeping monitor as his companion, his adventures in graduate school, about Chanyeol, the friends he made during his therapy.</p><p>It was too many years of history to unload all in one go, and by the time he's finished, he realized that the two of them had been sitting on the floor of the greenhouse for hours, pants all covered up in dirt and dried leaves, with Jongdae holding his hand the whole time. </p><p>Minseok is <em>exhausted, </em>but he also feels light and so, so very free. </p><p>Nobody says anything on their way to home after that, if Jongdae had said anything, Minseok wasn't really sure since he had slept the whole time, his exhaustion finally catching up to him after an emotional afternoon.</p><p>It's already late in the evening by the time they arrive in front of Minseok's place. Minseok wonders if this will be the last time they will be seeing each other, wondering if learning the truth about him is too much for his best friend to handle. </p><p>But just as Minseok is reaching to open his door, Jongdae pulls his arm towards him. </p><p>It's probably the most uncomfortable hug Minseok has ever received, Jongdae's car isn't spacious enough to accommodate sudden bursts of affection like this, and Minseok can feel the console digging through his abdomen. </p><p>But being in Jongdae's arms also feels like he's encased in a warm, affectionate bubble where nothing in the world could ever hurt him. </p><p>“Hyung, I'm <em> so </em>proud of you. Thank you for being strong. I’m really happy that you chose the best for yourself." Jongdae whispers so close to his ear, "You know that you're no longer alone now alright? I'll always be with you now."</p><p>Minseok didn’t realize that tears had run down his face until Jongdae brushed them away with his thumb. </p><p>"Thank you for listening, Jongdae." He finally says. </p><p>"Anything for you, Minseok-hyung."</p><p>That night, Minseok lies wide awake on his bed, the side of his face still tingling from where Jongdae had brushed away his tears. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yeah, they’ll eventually be okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok wonders if the people at his therapy session would judge him for not being able to turn himself away from Jongdae. </p><p>It’s another controversial topic in their therapy sessions, on whether or not it’s acceptable for the patient to co-exist with their ‘former’ love. Minseok cannot blame people if others simply didn’t want to interact with their past anymore, everyone has different ways of moving on after all. </p><p>But he guesses he just isn’t that type of person. He is honest enough to admit that his heart still occasionally flutters when Jongdae smiles at him, and in the recesses of his mind, perhaps he never stopped loving his best friend. </p><p>Minseok finds strength in the knowledge that he is not the person he had been before, he doesn’t know what the future will bring, but he knows he will still be okay no matter the circumstance. He doesn’t carry the weight of the world in his shoulders now. He’ll look out for himself this time, the way he didn’t get a chance to in the past. </p><p>Even if Jongdae finds another person to love in the future, he figures he will still be okay. </p><p>And perhaps, one day, he’ll find another person for him as well. </p><p>
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</p><p>Nothing really changed in their friendship like Minseok feared it would. Sure it got a bit weird since they didn't get to see each other often after their trip to the greenhouse, though it's certainly not caused by lack of trying from the two involved parties. </p><p>Life just happened.</p><p>Minseok got busy with school now that the semester is ending. He had to finish his lectures, give out requirements and finalize grading their papers. and academic conferences, while Jongdae got busy with his shop, attending to clients. </p><p>Despite the lack of face to face contact, the two of them continued to stay in contact through texts and phone calls. It feels a lot easier now, Minseok can openly answer Jongdae's question about China without feeling guilty of omitting details because of his previously hidden condition. </p><p>Jongdae had admitted that he felt angry for a while, that he may have lied a little bit about the fact that he was kept in the dark, but he apologized right after, claiming that he wasn’t being fair. They’ve agreed to try to be more honest with each other now, the way they’ve never been able to when they were younger, and to be more open-minded about all the things that have been bothering them about the other if there are any. </p><p>The honesty between the two of them is probably the reason why Jongdae will always have a special place in Minseok’s heart, it wasn’t always easy to be free with your thoughts and feelings with people. But Jongdae makes it so easy, and Minseok had always found comfort in him and in their friendship. </p><p>If there’s one thing that changed in their friendship, it’s probably Jongdae's weird determination in changing Minseok's view about flowers. Minseok had told the florist how it's still a challenge for him to objectively look at the beauty of the very object that almost killed him. Minseok is honest to admit that he hasn’t gotten past that yet.</p><p>So now, Jongdae had made it a point to often deliver different flowers to his table, with a little note that explains the history and meaning behind their colors. </p><p>It amuses all the old faculty members to no end. They've been teasing him endlessly that he had gotten himself an admirer.  Minseok only rolls his eyes and laughs with them, finding it pointless to deny anything since it’s not like anyone will believe him. </p><p>Minseok really appreciates the gesture, but he also thinks that it’s completely unnecessary and costly. Like all things in his life, he knows that there will come a time for him to move on from this. </p><p>He supposes he’s lucky, during the first week of Jongdae’s initiative new flowers arrived in his table every day<em> , </em>it got so bad to the point that he couldn’t even work in his own table since it’s swamped with different flower arrangements. </p><p>
  <em> “Jongdae, have you forgotten that I’m a professor, not a fucking gardener?” Minseok complains as soon as he picks up Jongdae’s phone call. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “And what’s wrong with a gardener? It’s a completely respectable and decent job!” Jongdae argues back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You know what I’m talking about Jongdae!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minseok would’ve probably been angrier if it wasn’t for the fact that Jongdae’s laugh is one of his favorite things in the world. </em>
</p><p>He does appreciate how the elder lady professors have been extra nice to him ever since flowers have started to appear on his table. They’ve told him how the faculty room has significantly become brighter now that Minseok’s little ‘garden’ is always in full bloom. </p><p>
  <em> “My co-workers have made it a game now, they’re trying to guess what flower will appear next in my table.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “The hype hasn’t died down yet?!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Well, if you toned it down like I asked you to, this would’ve been old news three weeks ago.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Never!” Jongdae heartily laughs, “I gotta keep you on your toes.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You know, Mrs. Kim would kick your ass if she knew how you’re wasting resources like this.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Stop blackmailing me hyung, mom and I take turns in picking out the next flowers that we will be delivering.” </em>
</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok wonders when his experiences in weddings will stop being weird. The first one broke his heart to pieces, while this one….well, it wouldn't have been weird if Kyungsoo decided to take someone else as his plus one and not him. </p><p>It's not that Minseok isn't willing to go with his colleague, he actually really enjoys the company of Kyungsoo. The two of them had become really good friends ever since he started working in Seoul University. It wasn't always easy to find good friends in the workplace, especially if it's populated with people who are twice his age. But he struck an easy friendship with his fellow professor. </p><p>Minseok admires how Kyungsoo can match the stern personality of the older faculty members, while also being an endearing and playful dongsaeng. It's like having a baby brother in your workplace, and Minseok enjoys having someone that can both be efficient to work with and be fun enough to goof around with. </p><p>However, in this particular time, Minseok really, really wants to smack this 'baby brother' of his. </p><p>The wedding ceremony of Kyungsoo's cousin has officially ended, and now they're sitting inside the reception area, the party officially in full swing. All the guests are either on the dance floor or at the bar.</p><p>Except for Kyungsoo and Minseok probably. </p><p>"Kyungsoo."  </p><p>"Yes, hyung?" </p><p>"What exactly did I do to you to deserve this?" Minseok calls as soon as the strange woman who approached them at their table is out of earshot. </p><p>Kyungsoo just laughs at him, "I’m sorry, it was a last-minute thing. And I didn’t want to go alone, I hate my extended relatives too.” Another man approaches their table and introduces himself as another cousin of Kyungsoo, the man is a bit drunk and spilled half of his drink near Minseok’s pants, but he still isn’t as bad compared to the woman who visited their table who’s pissed drunk and kept calling Minseok a ‘catboy.”</p><p>Kyungsoo owes him so many favors for this. </p><p>The only silver lining in here is the unlimited breadsticks. Minseok thinks that whoever added that is a genius. He grumbles about being considered as the last option and takes another breadstick from the basket, shoving it in his mouth. Minseok's eyes automatically close as he savors the warm, buttery texture of the bread in his mouth.</p><p>Minseok isn't even done appreciating the taste of his only companion for the night when he hears Kyungsoo laugh, "You know, if it weren't for your incessant complaining, I'd say you're enjoying yourself.”</p><p>“Shut up Kyungsoo, the breadsticks are the only thing keeping me sane right now.” </p><p>“Way to make feel like I’m chopped liver here.”</p><p>“Shut up, I’m here aren’t I?”</p><p>They continue to bicker after that, trying to pass the time until it's socially acceptable for them to leave. Minseok can’t say it’s all bad, aside from the few (read: several) bad eggs in Kyungsoo’s family, he enjoyed meeting new people that are outside the faculty room. It’s been a while since he’s able to socialize with other people and Jongdae, his only constant social life - is pretty busy with his work. </p><p>Minseok’s mind wanders as he absently picks on the centerpiece flowers on their table, getting drawn to its familiar look. He wonders what his friend is doing right now, he and Jongdae haven't had the chance to talk and meet for weeks. He probably should give Jongdae a call to make sure he isn’t dead yet. </p><p>His thoughts get interrupted when Kyungsoo suddenly whispers to him. "Hyung, hot flower boy at two o'clock."</p><p>He tears his eyes away from the flowers and looks at the direction his friend has been telling him.</p><p>
  <em> Speak of the devil. </em>
</p><p>The actual Kim Jongdae, in the flesh, sitting at the bar and holding a centerpiece flower by himself. He finds himself staring a little too long at Jongdae, feeling enchanted at the way his friend looks. The navy blue suit Jongdae is wearing is fit and accentuates the curve of his body, his tie is a bit loose, and opened at the collar. Minseok’s heart seizes at the sight. Is it legal for someone to be that attractive while looking disheveled?</p><p>Minseok shakes his head, it’s probably the alcohol talking. </p><p>Without missing a beat he stands up and moves forward, summoning a smile and barely hearing Kyungsoo’s faint call of his name in the background. </p><p>He stops beside him, leaning close enough to be heard over the music, “Hello beautiful,” Minseok purrs with a grin on his face that he can’t seem to hold back, feeling a little playful. He feels extremely giddy seeing Jongdae tonight and he feels like he deserves a breath of fresh air after dealing with weirdos, “Won’t you let a dashing stranger buy you a drink?”</p><p>Jongdae looked up with a furrow in his brows, it looked like he was ready to fight up until he saw who he’s talking with, “Hyung?”</p><p>“The one and only.”</p><p>“What brings you here?” Jongdae asks as Minseok collapses into the seat next to him, looking for the bartender to get drinks for the both of them. </p><p>“Suddenly became last minute’s pseudo-boyfriend I guess,” he vaguely answers, he takes the glass of whiskey handed to him and hands one out to Jongdae. </p><p>“I don’t know what that means, hyung.” Jongdae deadpans, he takes the glass from Minseok’s hand and clinks their glasses before taking a sip.</p><p>“Just helping a colleague out by being their plus one tonight.”</p><p>“But I thought you hated these types of things?”</p><p>“Well, I particularly like this colleague of mine, so certain exceptions can be made.” </p><p>“I bet it was the breadsticks that made you stay.”</p><p>Minseok almost coughs on his drink, feeling completely exposed,  “Take that back! What do you take me for?!”</p><p>“A really good hyung who has an irrational bias towards really good bread?”</p><p>Minseok laughs at that, “You got me there.”</p><p>The sounds of happiness from the crowd wash over them as Minseok and Jongdae continue to talk, entertaining themselves amongst the sea of strangers around them. </p><p>Jongdae reveals that this event is one of the projects that kept him occupied for weeks. He’s one of the suppliers contracted by the wedding organizer, and the couple was really nitpicky about every little detail of their event. One of the things that made it even harder is the fact that the couple are too fickle with their decisions, making Jongdae feel like a headless chicken trying to keep up. </p><p>The mental image made Minseok burst into a fit of giggles, he hardly noticed the bride’s announcement made on stage, calling all her cousins to go on the dance floor. It was only until he feels someone tapping on his shoulder and sees Kyungsoo standing beside him that he realizes that he left his date all alone. </p><p>The young professor only lifts an eyebrow when their eyes met. </p><p>Minseok sheepishly laughs, feeling a bit embarrassed that he completely forgot about his actual date right after seeing Jongdae. </p><p>“Hey Soo,” he greets, “Sorry for suddenly going all MIA like that. This is Jongdae by the way.” Minseok gestures at the man beside him, “He’s the florist friend I was telling you about. And this is Kyungsoo! The pseudo-boyfriend I was telling you about.”</p><p>Kyungsoo moves forward and politely greets Jongdae, “Nice to meet you Jongdae-sshi, Minseok-hyung has told me about you.”</p><p>Jongdae lifts his eyebrows and turns to him, “Really now? All good things I hope.”</p><p>“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Kyungsoo assures him.</p><p>Minseok senses danger with the way Kyungsoo is smirking at him. Right, this is probably his revenge for abandoning him all of sudden. So before the conversation takes a turn for the worst, Minseok steers it back to lighter topics. </p><p>“So Kyungsoo, anything Jongdae and I can help you with?”</p><p>Said friend turns to him and smirks, indicating that this won’t be the last time they’ll talk about this, Minseok has already accepted his doom at this point, so he hopes that he’d be a lot more sober when it happens.</p><p>“I’m really sorry to interrupt you guys, but I’m afraid I’m gonna have to take Minseok-hyung hostage for a bit now, the bride is asking all her cousins to go on the dance floor.” </p><p>Minseok eagerly nods, feeling guilty about leaving his other friend all alone earlier, “Can’t leave her Majesty waiting.” Then he turns to Jongdae and smiles, “Sorry Dae, duty calls. Let’s have brunch on Sunday okay? I’ll call you.”</p><p>And with that, he grabs Kyungsoo’s hand letting the younger professor whisk him away towards the dance floor where his insufferable relatives are.</p><p>“So, the florist friend huh?” Kyungsoo asks as the slow song plays.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You and Jongdae,” Kyungsoo elaborates as he leads them into an easy waltz, “You sure you guys are just friends?”</p><p>“Positive.” </p><p>“Really? Not even a drop of some juicy backstory in there? Ex-boyfriends? The whole dramatic enchilada?”</p><p>“Please don’t say enchilada.”</p><p>“Stop deflecting, asshole.”</p><p>“It’s true! Who even says it like that anymore?”</p><p>“You’re doing it again!” </p><p>“I’m not though.” Minseok defends, “It’s probably the alcohol that’s making you hallucinate things.”</p><p>“Minseok-hyung, you know I’m not a lightweight, and you drank a lot more than me tonight.”</p><p>“It’s the only way to survive your nosy relatives, I was compromised.”</p><p>Kyungsoo only laughs at him, “You’re a liar, you can just admit that you like beer. And stop distracting me, you haven’t answered my question yet.”</p><p>The song switches to another slow jazz song, and Minseok wonders how long will the bride make them dance like this until she gets satisfied. He hopes the urge to pee won’t happen anytime soon. “There’s really no big story behind me and Jongdae, we’re just best friends.”</p><p>“I don’t know hyung,” Kyungsoo answers, “I’ve met him for five minutes, and I can definitely say that he isn't too happy about seeing me earlier.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I hate to break it to you, but Jongdae has been glaring daggers at me ever since I asked you to dance. I probably wouldn’t be surprised if I got struck by lightning. With the way he looks right now, he can make it happen through sheer force of will.”</p><p>“He’s my best friend, perhaps he’s just being overprotective?”</p><p>"That’s bullshit. Best friends don’t look at each other like that.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>Kyungsoo sighs, looking defeated. “Hyung, let me ask you this. Have you ever noticed how Jongdae looks at you?" </p><p>Minseok tilts his head, considering the question. Not a lot has changed since he came back, they are still the same best friends they were before. He wonders if he missed something. </p><p>"How does he look at me?" </p><p>Kyungsoo's mouth quirks and a heart-shaped smile blooms on his face, "He looks at you like you're the brightest star, and no matter how much he tries, he'll never be able to reach you."</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok feels like Jongdae had been acting weird since the last time they saw each other. It had been a month since the wedding, and yet somehow all he got from Jongdae was radio silence. It’s not that Minseok isn’t used to this since they get busy from time to time, but the thing that bothered him is that this is the first time he felt like Jongdae is <em> deliberately </em>ignoring him.</p><p>Texts left unread, and calls left unanswered.</p><p>It had gotten to the point where he even went to Mrs. Kim and asked about her son.</p><p>
  <em> “He really hasn’t seen you yet?” Mrs. Kim asks, a puzzled look on her face.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minseok nods, feeling unsure of himself, “Do you know what he’s not telling me?”  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think I have an idea,” Mrs. Kim says, looking at him with a twinkle in her eyes. “If I’m right - it’s not something that you have to worry about. It’s just my son being idiotic.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Really?” It eases Minseok’s heart to know that it’s not something for Jongdae’s mom to worry about. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Jongdae will tell you one day.” Mrs. Kim tells him. It’s the only time he noticed that Mrs. Kim has deep and compelling eyes that made it hard for him to look away. “Please be gentle to him when he does.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Minseok scratches the back of his neck, still not quite knowing what to say, “Okay, Mrs. Kim. Thank you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Mrs. Kim seems to be satisfied with his answer, giving him a hug before he left the shop.  </em>
</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Sometimes, Jongdae still wonders what exactly did he do in his past that led him up to where he is now in his present life.</p><p>Lost his childhood best friend at age 25.</p><p>Divorced by 28. </p><p>For a while, the impact of loss had been tremendous. How does one cope when the people you thought would be in your life forever would suddenly disappear? There was a time where he felt aimless, like he’s on the verge of falling off the grid. Finding peace was the most difficult thing, Jongdae often thought that it's an endless chase for shadows. </p><p>The years that followed became a blurry routine for him, drowning himself with work, planting flowers like it’s going out of style, and drinking alcohol occasionally. It wasn't the healthiest route, keeping himself busy until he can’t remember how it felt like to be sad anymore. </p><p>Eventually, he’s come to terms with most of it, and one of the things that helped to finally move forward is the talk he and Baekhyun had after separating officially. </p><p>They've come to acknowledge that the routes they're about to take is something that they've had to do on their own, and holding on to something that's no longer working will always end up for naught. </p><p>Their love story wasn’t a happy ending, but that's okay. They'll learn to be better version of themselves, albeit separately. </p><p>He’s at a point in life where he’s now able to live by himself comfortably, finally letting himself take a breather. Shedding thoughts of what-ifs, the destructive musings that maybe, just maybe, he could’ve made things better, that maybe if he was more, his life would've taken such a different turn. </p><p>But he learned to roll with the punches, his skies may have turned a bit grey, but it’s nothing that he cannot handle.</p><p>Would it sound cliche if Jongdae admitted to himself that things only started becoming technicolor again when Minseok came back? </p><p>Jongdae had thought that nothing can surprise him now, and yet, Minseok’s appearance in his flower shop after five years managed to knock the breath out of his lungs. It was like a blur of different colors had started assaulting him, a reflection of how his emotions suddenly went haywire. It felt like the world came to a stop and the fast tumble of the world all around him is nothing but a faint, faraway sound.</p><p>It’s been years since Jongdae has seen Minseok with his radiant, feline-shaped eyes, and full cheeks, but it’s as if he’s never aged at all. </p><p>He is as beautiful as ever.</p><p>Minseok’s appearance feels a bit jarring. On one hand, this is the person that he has been with since half of his life, but the years apart had been too long, and it feels like the person he's looking at isn’t the same person he knew back then.</p><p>The first few times of reconnection felt torture for Jongdae, every time he’d interact with Minseok, there’s a nervous thrum in his gut that he doesn’t know how to deal with. There’s too much thought and self-consciousness in the manner he talks to him, somehow he's still restrained by the invisible boundaries of this new phase in their life. </p><p>Nevertheless, Minseok’s sincere efforts in reaching out made Jongdae willing to cross them once more. </p><p>He treasured their small talks via texts, the silly cat photos they exchange. He also welcomed honest conversations, despite how heartwrenching and painful they were. The tears and the guilt have been expressed and laid out in the open, and they managed to get through it, holding each other’s hands as they did so.</p><p>It’s easier now, most of the life-changing issues have been discussed, and no secrets are left unturned. </p><p>However, for Jongdae, it feels like there’s one more bridge that he personally hasn’t crossed yet. If he’s being honest, he still isn’t quite sure on what to make of it. </p><p>It’s just that he doesn’t understand himself lately. Sometimes, Minseok smiles at him, and Jongdae feels like he can’t breathe, like his lungs have given him up entirely.</p><p>Lately, every time Minseok is around, his heart hammers so loudly, and he fears every person within a five feet radius will hear it.</p><p>When it happens, he shrugs it off and thinks it’s probably just the two cups of Americano that is giving him palpitations.</p><p>Then there are times when he catches himself daydreaming about Minseok's eyes. It's probably his most favorite thing about his best friend. It always catches him off guard, how expressive and innocent they can be. When they were younger, Jongdae had always been able to predict what the other was thinking or feeling just by looking at them. </p><p>With eyes bright like the starlight, Jongdae thinks that Minseok’s eyes can house the whole universe within them, and in those moments, he never wanted to fall back on Earth. </p><p>For a while, Jongdae can only ponder on what all this meant. </p><p>It all suddenly clicks when Jongdae watches his hyung laughing and dancing with his colleague Kyungsoo. He should be happy seeing Minseok happy, after all the heartache that he had encountered, seeing him smile should make him feel content as his friend. </p><p>Except in that moment, he feels like his stomach bottomed out, and he kind of wants to curl up and cry - because there’s someone else that’s making Minseok smile, and it isn’t <em> him.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Perhaps his heart had been ready all this time, and he didn’t even realize.</p><p>
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</p><p>🌻🌼🌻</p><p>
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</p><p>Minseok still hasn’t seen Jongdae, but despite their lack of contact, the only thing that remained consistent are the flowers being delivered to his office. </p><p>For some unknown reason, the notes have become more atrocious. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Did you know I’m a flower? Because I just need some<strong>bud</strong>y like you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “If you were a flower, you’d be a <strong>damnnnn</strong>delion.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kyungsoo almost choked on his coffee after reading the second one. Minseok won’t lie, he thinks they’re endearing, but also confusing. </p><p>The notes also come with a number that Minseok doesn’t know the meaning of. Based on how it decreases in number every single day, he figures it’s probably a countdown for something. </p><p>On the day that the note is supposed to turn zero, Minseok didn’t imagine that he’d get a fidgeting, flustered, and nervous Jongdae in front of his office table at six-thirty in the morning, clutching a potted plant near to his chest.  </p><p>“Jongdae?” Minseok says, confusion all over his face.</p><p>“Good morning, hyung.” Jongdae greets, there are bags under his eyes, and Minseok wonders if Jongdae had any sleep. </p><p>“What’s this about?”</p><p>“Hyung, just let me explain okay?” He sees Jongdae take a deep breath, and suddenly he kneels in front of him, holding the pot reverently close to his chest as he stares at Minseok with a pleading look in his eyes. </p><p>Minseok’s eyes go wide at the sudden gesture, not quite sure how to handle the scene in front of him, “Dae, what the fuck? Get up!” His eyes scan the room, hoping that none of his co-workers will arrive yet. He doesn't want to be subjected to another round of teasing from the faculty. </p><p>But Jongdae only ignores him and continues talking, “Minseok-hyung, today, I offer you the last batch of flowers coming from me. I hope that despite its lackluster look, you’ll accept it just the same.” Jongdae holds the pot between his hands and offers it to him, wearing a hopeful look on his face. </p><p>“Minseok-hyung, I want to offer these buds of Evening Primrose for you. I hope by giving you this, I’d be able to help you overwrite the painful memories that it symbolized in your life before. Because now, you have me with you to nurture and take care of it until it fully blooms.” Minseok feels rooted at the spot as Jongdae just <em> looks </em> at him. “Like the Evening Primrose, I have always been grateful for the patience and generosity you have given me.”</p><p>Jongdae puts the pot down and takes Minseok’s hand, squeezing it lightly. “The only difference is that I don’t want the two of us to suffer in a silent love anymore. I want to be loud as I offer you the same devotion that you deserve.”</p><p>Minseok feels his knees shake, not quite sure if the words he’s hearing are still a part of his dreams. </p><p>"I'm probably way too late to reciprocate your devotion, and I’m sorry it took me this long to meet you halfway. But hyung, perhaps we can try again?" </p><p>Minseok could feel everything in his chest unraveling. It was like finally taking off something that had been cutting off your circulation, or coming up for air after being submerged in the water for so long.</p><p>“Okay,” he answers, then he’s tangling his fingers with Jongdae's and he pulls the florist to him. </p><p>The moment their lips touch, Minseok feels like he could finally <em> breathe. </em></p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Endgame: Minseok/Jongdae</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thank you for making it this far! I hope you liked it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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